July 2009 Blog Posts (22)

Welcome to Lost & Found: Finding Your Way

Welcome to Lost and Found: Finding Your Way, a new column that will be a mixture of the practical and spiritual components of grief recovery. As the majority of the readers of this site, I, too, have experienced great loss. However, this great loss has been the impetus for seeking and finding a renewed passion for life. Those two sides of the same coin will be the overriding theme of this blog.

If you have lost a loved one, I would like to offer my condolences to you. You are about… Continue

Added by Ellen Gerst on July 31, 2009 at 6:00am — 3 Comments

Expressing condolences for difficult relationships

It’s a challenge to craft a meaningful condolence note in the best of circumstances. But how do you acknowledge a death when the relationship was difficult or even estranged?

The depth of one’s grief doesn’t necessarily equate to the quality of the relationship, so just because someone had a difficult relationship doesn’t mean they’re not hurting. It’s even possible that they’re hurting more because the opportunity for reconciliation has passed. And they’ll grieve that loss along…

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Added by Robbie Miller Kaplan on July 28, 2009 at 7:00pm — No Comments

shift

while i was at ecstatic dance on sunday i had a moment of clarity. I realized vicky's death caused a shift in my life and others. My mother adopted her dogs bringing a newfound happiness and purpose to her life. I feel vicky is released into the cosmos and her love is shining on me like a true godmother. After she died i learned more and more about all her accomplishments and honors. I was so surprised because she never mentioned them to me. She didnt brag, instead she let others shine in their… Continue

Added by pamela Nunez-Pitzer on July 28, 2009 at 11:26am — No Comments

Missing my daughter

Its been about a month now that my daughter Christina took her own life. I am still so devastated by her death. I loved her so much, she has left a huge hole in my heart. I don't know how to go on without her, she was such a beautiful girl and had her whole life to live.

Added by Ruth LaPlante on July 28, 2009 at 10:16am — 3 Comments

my husband, my child

to all who wish to understand, i dont expect you to, nor do i want you to. this is my pain and in some strange way i enjoy that i have it all to myself. I lost my daughter when i was 7 monthes pregnant, june 10th 2009. I lost my husband in a motorcycle accident on july 12th 2009. i know your thinking wow thats only a month apart i couldnt imagine. please for your own sake dont even try. its been hard. im only 22 and its not supposed to be this way. we had our whole life planned out and after… Continue

Added by Deidre Couch on July 25, 2009 at 12:40pm — 8 Comments

i dont know what to do?

Well my little brother passed away on 03-07-09 at the age of 15 from cancer. I called him on Thursday an asked how he was doing he told me he was getting ready for a doctors appointment i said ok call when you get home he said okay. A few hours later my mom called an was crying an said that he was in the hospital an in a comma an needed to come home fast. My husbands parents paid for my plane ticket an i got there Friday spent 5 hrs with him an then went to my sisters. got up Saturday morning… Continue

Added by Crystal on July 24, 2009 at 12:30am — 1 Comment

Storing your important records

Where and how should I store them?

Some years back, while discussing Get It Together at a retirement community, a participant posed this dilemma: If I collect up all my important records, how can I ensure they will be safe from theft? If someone breaks into my home today, they won’t be able to find a thing, because all my records are scattered, filed, and…

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Added by Melanie Cullen on July 23, 2009 at 12:00pm — 1 Comment

Dealing with the death of an abuser

I recently found out that my grandfather whom I have not spoken to in 4 years has passed. My sister and I were sexually abused by this man and it was kept a family secret. I have no emotions either happy or sad over his passing. Has anyone else had an experience with a situation like this and how have they dealt with it? I know that in time I will have to deal with this.

Added by wandriole on July 23, 2009 at 9:48am — No Comments

Loss of my Darling mate

Jan.24th 2009 ..fought so bravely a malignant Brain Tumor..I am so lonely for him..40 yrs together.I try to move forward each day, trying to return to the workforce but 56 yrs old not easy...I am so sorry for what he endured for himself and for me.I am so lost but yet I go on ..each day try a little harder.I know so many others are suffering as well.prayers for all

Added by M Walden on July 22, 2009 at 3:02am — No Comments

How to be supportive after a miscarriage

Susan is in her sixties with four grown children that have brought her great joy. Yet she still feels the sting of a hurtful comment made after her miscarriage decades ago. Susan painfully recounts how a friend expressed no sympathy but asked, “Do you know what caused it?”

Like Susan, Melanie carries a deep hurt from comments after her miscarriage. One friend who also miscarried told her, “My baby lived 19 weeks while yours only lived five.” Melanie wonders, “Should my…

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Added by Robbie Miller Kaplan on July 21, 2009 at 3:30pm — No Comments

The miracles of dying give us hope

I recently lost my father and best friend. He and my mother met in kindergarten and were married for 61 years. They were very close. My mother and I had visited my Dad the evening before he passed on. My father had been in a comatose state, but when my mother reached the door to leave, he said' "Thank you, Alice - I love you". I stayed on into the night. Our nurse had suggested that one of us that was close to my Dad assure him that my brother, sister, Mom and I would all take care of each… Continue

Added by Sandra Murray on July 21, 2009 at 11:46am — No Comments

loss

i just saw my beloved madrina two days before her death. I took the last pictures of her. Had i known i would have stayed longer at her house, I loved her and cant believe she is gone to the other side. my heart is aching and i cant stop crying. god bless u madrina.

Added by pamela Nunez-Pitzer on July 20, 2009 at 2:27pm — No Comments

Sister Support

I am Teri and my sister who is also on this site Shirley8849 is a wonderful person and she just lost her only daughter on June 25th of course with the best Farrah and Michael Jackson. I have been keeping up with her daily we live in different states and it's hard for her as well as myself to not be able to comfort her while she is alone with this pain. She has other's who care for her but when I found out I think I took it harder without knowing. So in many ways she supports me. I love her to… Continue

Added by mayorhutch on July 19, 2009 at 12:58am — No Comments

Miscarriage: Words of Support for the Grieving

Q. My friend had a miscarriage at four months, and I don’t know what to say to her and her husband. Do you have some suggestions?

A. A miscarriage is a tremendous loss to a couple, whether it happens at nine weeks or four months or later, especially if it’s a first child. It’s a case of a joyful event being transformed into a tragedy. So much expectation and so many hopes and dreams have been dashed. The couple feels devastated emotionally, and feelings of…

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Added by Florence Isaacs on July 17, 2009 at 12:00pm — 1 Comment

4 Long Months Today

This still seems so unreal. It's been 4 months and it seems like forever that Tom's been gone, but then again it seems like it was just yesterday that he left. It depends on the moment. Spring completely passed me by and already it seems like summer is half over. I still live the "what if's"...what if he never went riding, what if we could just go back, what if, what if. I know I have to live in the moment, but there is nothing I want more than to have our old life back. I miss Tom so much, I… Continue

Added by Marlena on July 16, 2009 at 1:53pm — 1 Comment

Tom's Memory Decal on his '72 Chevelle

Added by Marlena on July 15, 2009 at 8:55am — No Comments

I lived a fairytale life that most people only dream of.

Tom and I had been married 2 months and 9 days short of 25 years when he was suddenly taken from us. We have actually been together for 27 1/2 years. We started dating in high school. He was a junior, I was a senior and yes, I robbed the cradle by 3 months and 29 days (I would never give him the satisfaction of saying 4 months). He used to tease me all the time that I was a whole year older because my birthday was the year before his. Of course, the early years were a little tough just trying… Continue

Added by Marlena on July 15, 2009 at 8:30am — 1 Comment

I'm numb - just numb sometimes

...and tonight is one of those times. My partner & best friend, of 20 years, a few weeks ago suddenly & without warning went back to bed, in the early morning, and never woke up. It's a much longer story, but I wanted to get that much out. I'm so tired of crying, my eyes ache. I have a few good moments, followed by an unexpected avalanche of horrrible feelings & disbelief. I have to wander thru the house & see if he's in his chair. Thank you for letting me vent here tonight.… Continue

Added by New Sophia on July 13, 2009 at 11:29pm — No Comments

hey there

I was told about this site from a good friend told me I didn't try it but I find myself at 10 to 5 in the morning with suicidal thoughts all over again I should say that my mom died of a accident jus before mothers day n she left me with me lil bro who is about 7yrs old n Im 25 raising my lil bro I lie to alot to peopel saying that Im fine but I guss Im really lieing to myself n its has become increasingly hard to keep it together infront of my lil bro I really wish someone would shoot me in… Continue

Added by Justin on July 12, 2009 at 4:03am — No Comments

Speaking of the deceased

Why do people avoid saying the name of the deceased? A friend facing the anniversary of her husband’s death was hurt that friends no longer said her husband’s name. She finally asked them why and they told her they were afraid his name would make her sad. She’s already sad that her husband died and she thinks about him all the time; she told her friends she likes to talk about him, too.

That reminded me of a story another friend shared. It was the anniversary of the death of her…

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Added by Robbie Miller Kaplan on July 6, 2009 at 10:00am — No Comments