Susan Mayer's Blog (6)

Anger - my old nemesis

Well, I've read that anger is a part of grief, and it's been around since not long after Steve died.  But it reached new heights this week after one of the men in my grief group asked about "fault" in Steve's accident.  I could have ducked the question, said I haven't seen the full police report yet (which is true).  But I didn't; I answered.  I know that whatever the driver of the car did wrong, Steve went through a stop sign, so he shares the responsibility for his death.  I'm having a lot…


Added by Susan Mayer on February 18, 2011 at 10:21pm — No Comments

A new year

My first holiday season without Steve is now over, and I sense myself turning a corner.  I thought Christmas would be the most difficult, but it wasn't, perhaps because I anticipated the difficulty and made plans.  I traveled to the DC area to see my younger stepson, his wife, and my 2-year old granddaughter.  It was my first trip to see any of Steve's children without him at my side, and there were painful moments, particularly pulling into the parking lot of the…


Added by Susan Mayer on January 2, 2011 at 5:30pm — 1 Comment

Giving Thanks

Okay, I made it through the first Thanksgiving without Steve, and I'm okay. As Steve and I had done for the past 6 or 7 years, I walked across the street to my neighbor's house for Thanksgiving dinner. I've long had the "appetizer duty" at this event because I show up on time! There were about 18-20 people on hand, most of them either the hostess' relatives or neighbors from our block. Instead of the usual going around the table to say what each of us is thankful for (the hostess knew that… Continue

Added by Susan Mayer on November 25, 2010 at 7:30pm — 3 Comments

A season closes

With the help of friends and neighbors, I got my house and yard ready for winter this weekend. I have a disability and cannot do all the work myself, but have great friends and am lucky to live on a wonderful block with wonderful neighbors who all pitched in to put up storm windows, take in the deck furniture, empty and clean flower pots, prune shrubs, cut back perennials, and spread mulch.

Today came the saddest chore, though: clearing out the vegetable garden. I started crying when I… Continue

Added by Susan Mayer on November 21, 2010 at 10:00pm — 2 Comments

One step forward, one step back...

Okay, I made it though Steve's 70th birthday last Saturday (Nov. 13), even made dinner for my step-daughter and her partner. We all watched Steve's favorite opera (Marriage of Figaro). Then my mood took a steep dive the next day and stayed there for three days. Going to the banks to set up the estate accounts for Steve's business

accounts (on which I wasn't a signer) and closing our joint account didn't help. Well, it's done.

I think the suddenness of Steve's death is really… Continue

Added by Susan Mayer on November 18, 2010 at 10:23pm — No Comments

Steve's birthday

Today would have been my husband's 70th birthday. It's the first significant "anniversary" date since he died just over 2 months ago. It's raining here, and I walked home from the dentist in the rain. Felt like the world was crying outside as I cried inside.

Steve would have liked to semi-retire a couple of years ago, but interesting work kept coming his way, and he held off to let his Social Security benefit rise as high as possible. He did that for me; he was always putting others… Continue

Added by Susan Mayer on November 13, 2010 at 12:46pm — 1 Comment

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