Today, we've passed another milestone, honey. Eight months since you left me. Eight months since I was thrown into a tailspin. Eight months since the beginning of the heart break. And eight months since the last time that I recall being happy.



How I wish you were here with me. This past summer would have been so much different. We would have had so much fun. We always had fun together, just being together. You could make me laugh, make me think, make me imagine and dream. I miss you.… Continue

Sometimes in my dreams you come to me, honey. I get a chance to talk to you and feel your arms around me and hold you again. I get to ask your opinion about things and to really talk to you. The other day I had to ask your opinion about something and you must have known how much I was missing you because you came to me right away and stayed with me for hours while I slept. We had a chance to discuss the issues that I'm facing and (real… Continue

It's been six months ago today that Gary left. I still can't say that he's d**d - can't even think the word. Sometimes I can say to someone that he died, but usually I say he passed away - just as if he was on a raft or a boat and he floated by me and kept going. "Just passed away." Away to what I don't know, and I don't like that he didn't wait for me.

"I must be here for a reason", I sometimes say to myself. But I have no way of knowing if there's any truth to that at all. I've raised my… Continue

10 1/2 weeks is how long you've been gone, honey. I never thought I could make it even this far along without you. I had gotten so used to having you with me and depending on your intelligence, wisdom, and wit that I didn't know that I could survive at all without you. And yes, I am surviving. By no definition am I thriving - but I'm surviving.



I miss you more today than so many weeks ago. And yes, just as others have told me, going on without you has just gotten harder in so many… Continue

The other day the lawyer that is handling Gary's probate said something out of the blue that made me feel a lot better and maybe a bit sadder in a way. I told him that I hadn't realized how quickly I had become one of those women that didn't know much about our combined finances or where certain records were stored. I told him that I had been divorced for 15 years before Gary and I were married and I didn't know how to take care of this stuff again. He looked at me calmly and he said, "You… Continue

Today is the 13th of March. Which means that there is a St. Patty's Day parade going on where we use to live. That would make me lonely enough, just knowing that I'm here not there. Of course if Gary was alive we might be there. We traveled the three hours back and forth quite often and he knows I'm a sucker for a good parade. But by the same token, my daughters are working today and my son wouldn't care to go to a parade and Gary really couldn't walk far, so I might not have gone anyway. I… Continue

Today was the first time I've had to go to the grocery store without Gary or without buying the things that he liked. I realized while I was there that I didn't even know what I liked to eat without thinking of his dietary needs and foods he liked first. It was a fairly horrible experience. I cried while I was there. I tried to hide it and outside of appearing a bit distressed I don't think anyone actually noticed. I looked at a lot of things that I would have normally bought, but now that I… Continue

Today we got back home after being gone for the last four days for Gary's memorial service in Omaha. The service was quite nice. Lots of people showed up (I forgot to get a guest book, darn it) and lots of folks had very nice things to say about Gary. They told stories, mostly about his generosity, which was legendary, I believe, and they told jokes that he told them. He was always so much fun, and so funny. He could ignite a room with his wit and he was always the smart one in the bunch,… Continue