I struggle every year with your passing. This year i wasnt as bad for months leading up to it, but the day of I saw the PTSD.  The day you died was traumtic. Its been 11 years, but some days i still cant believe it. Time hasnt taken away that long ache. I miss you so much.  So much has happened since you left. I lvoe you dearly and miss you so much

Tomorrow marks 10 yars since i lost my brother michael. I have a hard time wrapping my head around it still. I feel like he has missed so much in my life. Meeting my daughter who is 5 now, watching my son grow up. Watching me change and grow. things are so different then they were 10 years ago. In spite of his death ( alcoholism seizure) I now work in Addiction and support those struggling to change their lives. I miss my brother everyday still. Most days I think of him. I thought that may…

Since i did better last year with christmas i thought id would be easier each passing year. It isnt. It sucks. My emotions flow. this year was not pleasant for weeks. COVD really didnt help matters. I dont miss the chaos of my brother drinking at xmas, but god i miss him. I dont know if i ever wont. Life has gone on. Im well, life is beautiful. this part seems so hard.  I get to help others not end up like my brother so that is a blessing in itself. Happy 2021 All

My bother mike would have been 40 today. its almost been 8 years since he died. its still so hard. this bday is a little harder. maybe because he didn't see 40. i still so hard. less gut wrenching, but so hard. i miss my brother

After 7 years and what still feels like a long road my dad dropped new information on me today about my brothers death. He let me know that he had his eyes roll back to white while conscious 2 days before he had his seizure . 2 days later he died from seizure. He didn't take him to the hospital the first time. He is now telling me this 7 years later. Neither of my parents told me about this . I could have maybe helped. While I know there is no turning back I feel so many strong emotions…

6th Christmas without Mike.all mo the every December I'm just on a rollercoaster of emotions.my brother has been visiting my 2 year old daughter. It's incredible and heart warming. Always miss Mike.

Well last month was the 6 year passing anniversary of my brother Mike.  I've  learned a lot about grief on this journey. I do know for sure that time really has not made any of this any better.  It may have been 6 years, but the pain on some days is so Raw and so real it still takes me a minute to ground myself and be okay.  I quoted on Feb 10/2018 "that my love for you lives in my grief for you" I think is true for me.  Overall I am still so grateful for having mike in my life for 32…

Well next month it will be 5 years since my brother passed away from alcoholism at 32 years old.  It feels crazy that amount time has passed... I think I may have been living in a bubble the first 2 or 3 years just managing daily life and trying to get through.  Other people share that it gets easier ..... I cant say I agree.  Although I moved on with life and have a great life, it has not remotely made a difference in the amount of pain I feel, or the fact that he inst coming back.  It…

Tomorrow marks 4 years since my 32 yr old brother passed away from alcoholism. I vividy recall some days especially around now his body that day.. its etched in my mind.  I have lived a full life and carried on. My heart and soul have not been so fast. 4 years and the pain is still like yesterday .  I miss him so much. What is killing me is that while my family gathers tomorrow my other sibling always chooses to not take part in any family gatherings. He makes excuses to not come. It breaks…

Well this is my 3rd Christmas now without my brother. have to say that its no way easier than the 1st. it is so clear that he is missing. I miss him do much. Life goes on, but the loss is real like yesterday. This time of year sucks. For all of you out there feeling the way I do I send light your way.

Well been almost 22 months and I don't feel like much has changed in my way of grief.  My parents are still crippled and i find it really hard to get near acceptance.  I guess we don't get over death.  With xmas here soon It breaks my heart. I'm not sure i will ever enjoy xmas the same for many years to come. I know that my brother would want me to live life to the max and move on. Im gonna do my best to do that one day at a time

im sorry to hear of all the loss this week on this site. My heart goes out to all of you.  It has been 18 months now and I am still struggling.. the other stages are normal, but acceptance i am still far away from.  I pray that it gets easier like people say.  It is all so bloody hard to process. I guess just accepting that it never does go away is the first step

Wow its been awhile. 16 months now since my brother passed away. I suppose on a daily basis it is easier, but overall my grief is so strong and present. I find it hard to accept that I will not see him again until I pass too. Time doesn't seem to make a big difference where the heart and grief are concerned. I miss him everyday and would give anything to have him back. Some people told me 16 months ago I would never be the same. I am not and probably wont be. The bubble i was living in…

Monday its been 10 months since my brother passed away from Alcoholims. He had just turned 32.  The process of grief has been so hard and overwhelming. Ive always been emotional and spiritual.  Some days its feels like days ago that this happened.  I still drive by his old apt and just sit there staring in like i may find something. With xmas around the corner I am finding it so hard to want to even deal with this holiday. My last xmas i had to ask my brother to leve as he showed up…

been 8 months now and it feels like it just started. i cant get over why and all the other emotions that go with why. It is so hard to accept my brother is never coming back. I miss him so much. Everyday we spoke and the last 8 months just seem like it was yesterday. Time has been frozen since the day he died. I read other posts and people seem to say that over the years it gets easier. Hoe does you EVER let go, or come to acceptance? i feel so much sadness annd aching right now. 

Well its been 7 months tomorrow since my brother Mike died. He just turned 32 a week before his death. It is impossible to believe its been 7 months. I feel like nothing has changed in way of my pain and grief.  I keep thinking this week about the day he died and seeing his body and getting the call. I know that he is at peace and that makes me glad. I also know we are spiritual beings living on earth and leaving is going home. I just cant seem to get past the fact that i wont see hime again…

Well its been 5.5 months and this past week i cannot seem to find a way out of my pain.  I had a realization that my brother is not coming back. EVER,. I then started to think that if his soul reincarnates then he is gone from me forever and it makes me insane.  My heart is so broken. I miss him so much.  Loggin on here and seeing the pain is the only place that feels like im truly not alone in agony.  I know he is free and not suffering, but i am now.  Still wondering what the meaning of…

Well 130 days later and im still struggling so much.  It seems the grief is just so overwhelming. the constant crying and day to day life.  I sure hope time is helpul in moving on. im better than 4 months ago.  I guess ive had a little time to realize this is real and did really happen, but i still feel the unbearable pain i did shortly ago that day i found him.  this site is helpful to read stories and although so tragic, pulling together with perfect strangers is somehow comforting that im…

Well its been 96 days now since mike my brother died. I have been in shock all over again for a week now.  the emotions are so hard to keep up with.  feel like im lost and like life is just meaningless. I have a beautiful 6 year old son and i love him more than words can ever say.  I know i have to get it together, but it is so hard to even want too at this point. Every day i just think about my brother and why this happened.  Life just seems to be so cruel. I cant take time off work and i…

Hey i locked my wrist somehow so cant type much. i just want to thank everyone for your kind comments and advice. i know so many of you are as fresh to this grief as i am, so im not sure how i can offer support quite yet.  Just knowing that people are suffering the same way as me is comforting as awful as that sounds.  Im trying to not drink as much, but still finding my footing. weekends are hard, but during the week im okay most of it anyway.  I feel like i need to totally revamp my life…