Tasha and Jun have been family for over ten years.  Jun, short for Junior and because I refuse to spell his nick-name with an "e", was my partner in the 12th District when I was still in uniform.  For nearly four years, we save each other's butts on more than one occasion.  Jun is Alaina's God-Father; Tasha is Charlotte's God-Mother.  Almost every Christmas,…

O Muses, O high genius, now assist me!

O memory, that didst write down what I saw,

Here thy nobility shall be manifest!

~ Canto II, The Inferno, The Divine Comedy

Dante Alighieri…

Midway upon the journey of our life

I found myself within a forest dark,

For the straightforward pathway had been lost.…

It is one year today, May 17, 2012, since my son was killed. I am not sure how I am feeling.

To be honest when it comes to the grief of losing a child there is no getting over it. It’s a misperception in reality. It is moving through it. Imagine being immersed in a giant bubble. The more you push against it, the more resistant it is to breaking through. The bubble is a part of you – a manifestation of sadness, loss, anger, and questioning faith – at least in my…

On June 16, 2011, Friday, Archbishop Ryan High School had its transition Mass for the Freshman becoming Sophomores when school would resume in September. I appreciated being invited to attend with Gi and the girls. It was nearly a month since Tim was killed; nearly a month since the funeral?

Was it really a month?

I didn't know where the time…

There are nights I wish you would tell the secrets of Heaven to me

Are God’s root-beer floats better than…

Don't look for me in the darkness

Look past to the stars

Where I smile down…

There some days I listen to my voice mail messages.  I have a voice mail saved from Timmy from two months before he was killed.  I sit and listen, save, listen, save again, listen again...some days afraid that if I don't listen to the voice mail, it will be gone.  I also have the message from Mayor Nutter calling me to express his condolences.  I can hear his voice…

Sometimes, not always, but sometimes I feel that I let him down.  When I got that phone call, I was literally physically passing the hospital to pick him up at his school.  Why do I feel this way?  My answer, to me, is that Tim called out to me to come get him.  My friends, family, priest, and therapist all tell me I should not feel this way...and that to feel this way is normal with any grieving parent.  I get reminded that it’s a loving parent that will die protecting his or her child - I…

I never thought that I would, in my life time, making a grave blanket for my son.  He helped me make the ones for my mom - picking out decorations, cutting the wire or tying it to the branch stems from the trimmings. If time permitted he drove with me to my mom's grave and keep me…

The presents are placed under the tree,

An empty spot where your gifts were to be

Christmas lights twinkle in the tree,…