9 months post death...

Who am I? How did this happen? This wasn't part of the plan.

I will soon face the 9th month since my husband died as the result of an auto accident.

I have found that I can face life without him but I don't like it.

I don't like it that I now have people call me "Miss McCormick".

I don't like it that I have to face life without him by my side.

I ache to hear his voice, laughter, comforting words, feel his hug, and even hear him clear his throat again.

I'd love to show him the flower garden I worked on to honor him and the things I have done to spruce up the yard. He would be happy about that - he took such good care of the lawn.

I wish he was here to help me face this skin cancer and all the upcoming surgeries I must face.

I wish he could be here to see the arrival of his new little grandson that is going to join our family on October 20th, 2011.

I wish I could see his reaction knowing our son and daughter-in-law want to honor him and name our little grandson David after him.

Things I'd love to tell you:

Will our new little grandson resemble you?

I hope he has your sense of humor and your kind heart; I loved that you were so masculine yet had a heart of compassion.

I miss you so much - you were a part of my life from the time we were young kids (ages 8 and 9) and we grew to love each other.

I realize now that our relationship was very unique - we were childhood friends and shared so many memories. Being able to share 36 years of marriage still doesn't seem like it was quite enough.

You always made me feel loved. Yes we had our moments (every couple does) but I know without a doubt that I was able to know what love is and loved being able to see it coming from your eyes.

I look forward to the day we meet again - until then keep sending your love to me with little surprises along the way and keep putting in a good word for us - I know God is with us and will carry us but the mountains seem so hard to climb - especially without you with me.

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Comment by Sheryl McCormick on August 13, 2011 at 7:55am: You have been through so much Marrie. I am so sorry you have had to deal with all of this on top of losing your husband. Sometimes life can be so hard. I will be praying for you and that God will restore joy to your life and bless you. My heart goes out to you - I'd be happy to come to GR and take you to lunch sometime (on the weekend) if you would like that and I'd be happy to just listen and give you a chance to pour out your heart. It helps to have someone listen and know that they truely care. Blessing to you my friend. May God send down blessings to you today!

Comment by Sheryl McCormick on August 12, 2011 at 9:27pm: Hi Marrie,

I am sorry your in-laws have not been in touch. Mine really haven't either but I think it has more to do with the busy lives everyone has. My son lives in GR. I go there every 4 to 6 weeks to visit and see them and my grand-daughter who will be two this month.

I am sorry if it sounded like I was insinuating some are clicky - I really didn't mean to sound like that. I just have noticed some have developed some special friendships on this site but I don't feel as connected and that is okay. I have a friend from church who lost his spouse 5 weeks after I lost mine. They both died suddenly without any warning (his wife died from a brain aneurysm and my husband in an auto accident). We are both in our 50's. We go to the same support group and it is helpful to know someone understands how you feel. I do keep my guard up though since I only want to be a friend - I don't know if will ever desire another relationship. I am glad you and Rich had such a great relationship - those memories and his warmth and love will continue to be with you. Take care Marrie - Rich is smiling down at you :-)

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