Well 130 days later and im still struggling so much.  It seems the grief is just so overwhelming. the constant crying and day to day life.  I sure hope time is helpul in moving on. im better than 4 months ago.  I guess ive had a little time to realize this is real and did really happen, but i still feel the unbearable pain i did shortly ago that day i found him.  this site is helpful to read stories and although so tragic, pulling together with perfect strangers is somehow comforting that im not alone.  I feel so alone in my grief and thats what is the hardest thing for me.  I feel like no one understands how awful and heartbreaking and abnormal i have felt for a few months.  Thanks everyone for sharing here.