The overwhelming grief I feel envelops me suddenly. I cannot cry for a couple of days, or won’t cry. Then it slowly builds…all day little things spark it and I suppress and suppress. Then, like just now, I can’t hold back any longer. I’m watching one of our favorite TV shows. I keep looking over at her, but she’s not there. She can’t share the funny, the beauty, the silly with me anymore. Then it wells up and I just curl up in a ball and, well, let’s face it. I want my mommy. I walk around this house, still filled with her spirit, her memory, her love. I sob as I pace and then tonight, I laid down on her bed for the first time in the dark and cried. I sprayed her perfume. I feel like my pain will tear me in two. I want her back so bad it hurts me deep down in my soul. It pierces right through my heart, into my belly and through my toes and I feel like the grief is going to take me over completely. I cry like a baby. Sob like a child. And I hurt like I’ve never hurt before.
Why? Why is she gone? Why am I so very alone?
I know I can make it through this. But tonight is the loneliest night
I miss you, Mommy.