I am missing my sister so much. She died 2/24/09 of lung cancer and no she did not smoke but my dad died of lung cancer 6/3/1977 and that is a risk factor. He did smoke. I find it hurtful when people ask if she smoked like then she would have deserved it because no one does! Julie was my best friend and in many ways was my link to the world. Julie was the ultimate extrovert and lit a room up the minute she went in, never met a stranger and had many many friends. I on the other hand am the ultimate introvert. I don't have many friends and no one like I talked to like Julie, hate going to social functions, don't like any big crowds and fear people making fun of me constantly (I'm really fat). I feel so alone now she was who I went to for everything and talked to her numerous times during the day. I am constantly having to stop my self from picking up the phone. I feel so alone and I am not sure who I am without her. I feel like people are wondering why I'm not "over" this but I truly don't know if I will ever be the same and wonder if there can be a "new normal". I need this place so much to come somewhere and just express what I'm feeling without being made fun and to talk about Julie. I am sure my co-workers are getting tired of "Julie" stories. People keep calling me to tell me how much they miss Julie but I don't have anybody to call because Julie is who would get me through something like this. I am so lonely and don't know what to do or who to turn to. I consider myself a Christian but I don't feel God is hearing my pleas for peace.