My younger brother committed suicide in November. I found him. He had shot himself in the head. it is still hard to believe and I sometimes wonder if it will ever sink in. I don't understand what happened. He was living and telling lies. I depended on him to take care of my parents & now he's not here. I am doing the best I can to help my parents, but it is hard to deal with. I just don't know how to accept it and go on with my life. How do you ever understand?

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Comment by manny zutnam on October 17, 2010 at 1:35am
I read Kat's comment. I have a loss too. My older brother became manic depressed over 10 years ago. He attempted suicide and was put on drugs. When the drugs no longer had their effect he tried again. His lost his job and his wife of 30 years wanted a separation and announced it while he was in the hospital. This made him worse and very hopeless. He then was advised to take shock treatment and against my advise did it. He seemed to be coping day to day but after smashing two cars and losing that independence he succeed in his suicide. I think that we all failed him. The family members are busy and would not take him in as he child that he had become. He was a sweet sad sole who just wanted love. I have sadness especially when I'm tired but I can't tell if its related to my life or to my brother's suicide. He was a tough father figure in some ways for me and I don't know how to be happy now. Will I ever? I was told that by recognizing this as god's plan may help. I don't know.
Comment by kristi graham on May 27, 2010 at 1:44am
My older brother Don committed suicide Novemeber 29, 2006 and I am still feeling the pain. I found him dead in his home. I went there to check on him. He had alcohol and depression issues since his divorce. He was a chemist at Boeing and had a great life thou we all thought. I knew he was depressed. He had problems from his ex wife and alcohol problems but a wonderful life everyone thought. I knew he was depressed and always checked on him as well as my parents. He always talked about killing himself. I stayed late one nite at work and got there about an hour late to check on him and I was about a half an hour late cuz I found him dead on his couch, gun shot wound to the head, blood everywhere and now how in the hell can I go on... Just found out I will be a Grandma in November. I feel like nothing is the same and don't have all the positive happy go lucky views on life I had... I feel guilty I didn't get there about 1/2 an hour early to save him. I have to go on for my kids, family and his son who he left behind. I do forgive him but am very depressed and do not want to carry the pain on to my kids and my grandbaby on the way.... He was the greatest man ever and I really do wish he realized what pain he brought to our entire family... But I will always love him and so will all of our family...
Comment by George on January 15, 2010 at 2:37am
please excuse my typing i am very sleepy it is very late here
Comment by George on January 15, 2010 at 2:33am
Listen it is very hard to except. Some people tells us to move on and to forget about it. But in reality it is very hard. Believe me I know.
Back in October two days before my birthday. My oldest brother was found dead. He committed suicide. He was 43 years old, He was found in the woods. He hung himself. The story goes that the police wanted to ask him a few questions. about conspiring to a murder. He took a polygraph test but since his finger twitched it made it look like he was lying but he was telling the truth. he kept trying to clear his name. But all the police did is made him look more guilty. He tried to seek help but got refused. he called lawyers and they refused to help him to make a long story short. The police told him to stay home and after the week end they were to let him know if he was guilty or not. But my brother already left. he vanished. Couldn't be found anywhere. and after the week end was over my mother called the police to find out what happen. They wanted to talk with him but she explain to them that he was missing and she demanded to know the answer. they told her that was not not guilty. She also ask them to help search for him and they agree but they never did. So they lied to my mother. His body was found a few days after but a worker who worked in a Junk Yard. they woods was next to the Bone yard. The worker would go there to retrieve items that people would steal. and return them back when he was spotted. it has been 4 years and I still trying to cope with it. I am having suicide thoughts myself. Because after my brother died. My wife after being married for 15 years abandoned. she sneaked my children while i was grieving. I have gotten no support. The cops who was at the scene either threw his clothes away lost them or gave them up. His Red Sox cap was found next to his body. One of the officer at the station laughed at his death. There was no need. and my wife
She decided that another man would be better. I am very upset and very depressed. I love my brother. he was a very good person and a sport genius. he was a very big Boston and new England fan. He had a big passion for the Red Sox. and the Patriots. We made sure that he was buried with a red sox cap on. I hope that you get support. The pain never goes it is always there. But my pain is different yet same. I have lost my brother my apartment. and my children was taken from me. I miss watching the game with him. I miss his little side jokes. what hurts me is that I now sleep in his room now. i am very mad and very hurt.
so yes I do know what it is like.
Comment by redhead on July 13, 2009 at 8:10pm
Kat:
Thanks so much for your message. I am on a 3 week vacation out west with my husband. Honestly, I hated going because I hated leaving my parents & my cat, but am trying to be a good wife. Work was hard to go back to. . . . It does all seem like a nightmare & I keep expecting my younger brother to call only to realize he is gone. I am new to the forum so I may not be very good at this, but I'll try. Thanks again!
Comment by kat on July 13, 2009 at 4:02am
My older brother committed suicide in May 2009. He shot himself in my house with my gun. His x-gf found him. I'm still having a very hard time believing that it has happened. It plays over and over in my head 1000x's a day. I got the phone call from the police and told them to call my parents, because I didn't have the heart to tell them their only son was dead. His suicide has changed my entire life. I work for a bio-cleaning company, and they cleaned up my house that night for me. I moved out of the condo where my brother shot himself. He moved in with me July of 2008 after being in the Marines for 8 years and not having much to start with in Oklahoma. I thought when he moved in he'd try to be the 'big brother' again and boss me around, but it was never like that. He seemed happy and for the first time we actually got along. The last two weeks of my brother's life he was not himself. He was drunk 24/7 and always crying. Everyone spoke to him and tried to ease his pain of having his heart broken again. He told me he was 'hopeless'. He had cut himself, and he told me about it after I saw the marks on him. I have been through the guilt phase of saying if I only... but I've realized nothing that I would have said or done differently would have changed his mind. Only this girl he was madly in love with could have. I don't have an answer to how to accept it and go on with our lives. I still cry often and will always have this emptiness to me. I am not the same care-free, happy person I could be before. I have moments where I forget about his death and the horrible experience, and it's nice to live for a while, but then I feel guilty for laughing or being happy or continuing to live because he isn't. The only way that I understand how much he was hurting is by how much I hurt now after loosing him. I have wanted to committ suicide so much myself after loosing him, because I finally understand the pain. I understand how badly he was hurting to want to end his life. Now I am stuck arguing with myself, telling myself I can't do it after hugging my dad, seeing him cry for the first time in my life, and him telling me to never do anything like that. I can't end my pain, because I don't want to cause my family any more pain. I don't think there will be an acceptance to it. I do believe now suicide is a total different kind of loss. It feels like the loose ends will never be tied, because the person who left the loose ends is not here to explain or answer our 1000s upon 1000s of questions we have for them. I am sorry for your loss and hope you will be able to find a way to keep going. Work was very hard to go back to. School, I think will be harder, since my brother and I attended the same college. His birthday just passed on 7/7 and I took the day off and got a tattoo for my brother. And had some beers of course! It has been a while since you have posted, but I would like to hear from you. I want to be able to communicate with someone who has had a similar type of loss or feelings as I do. I don't want to see a therapist or counselor like my family has pushed... I want to talk to someone who is also dealing with a loss from suicide.
Comment by richard mom on July 3, 2009 at 3:01pm
EVERYTHING ABOUT DEATH IS SO VERY HARD TO UNDERSTAND. I DON'T THINK IT'S MEANT FOR US TO UNDERSTAND FULLY.WE HAVE TO DO THE BEST WITH WHAT WE HAVE.IT SAYS GOD WILL GIVE US NO MORE THAN WE CAN HANDLE.AND WE'ER GOING TO GO THREW NORMAL EMOTIONS AND BEING ANGRY IS ONE OF THEM.I HAVE TO ASK WHAT YOUR BROTHER WAS LIEING ABOUT.YOU HOW OLD WAS HE.DID HE HAVE A FAMILY OF HIS OWN,I SURE YOU ARE DOING YOUR BEST AND THAT'S SO GOOD OF YOU. SO MANY PEOPLE WALK AWAY NOW DAYS.BUT AS LONG AS YOU DO YOUR BEST YOU WILL HAVE NO REGRETS.YOU MAY WONDER WHAT MADE ME LOOK AT YOUR PAGE. I LIVE IN TENN.TOO.

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