My soul is screaming for help. I have been isolated, held prisoner in this beautiful sunny day that seems to have extended far longer than any of the worst days I've ever had at work. It sounds like I'm crazy to think such a thing & I say YES I am! Beautiful sunny days are for the living and I'm a zombie again today. I had a decent morning. It started as usual with pain & tears & shifted gears somewhat as I decided to make breakfast for the 1st time in over 7 months. Pancakes & coffee for my son & me before we rushed off to church. Service was awesome, although there too I spent much of the time in tears as the soloist sang about God molding us through our trials.... I agree whole heartedly, but I am giving God permission to speed up my molding process because I don't know how much longer I can take this. Get home & there goes my son to enjoy the day with friends- perhaps go to the river he says. That's great, I'll just stay here & finish some school work, maybe sew a bit & sit in the sun or walk the dog. I tried, I'm still trying but.... I have spent the day mostly thinking poor pitiful me, I hate being here, I am tired of living- it's no fun anymore & I'm ready to go! Ever seen a small child like that? The amusement park was great for the first hour, but after that, the kid is ready to go & mom & dad are saying "oh no- we spent big bucks to get in here & we're staying!" Another hour goes by and the kid begins to fuss, complain, whine and cry "I want to go home!" Well that's exactly how I feel right now! I'm trusting God will distract me with something that will change my mind, something that will make the kid in me decide I like this place & think I'd like to stay a litle longer after all OR maybe He'll give in & take me home. Right now I'm just so tired of being here without Larry.