This still seems so unreal. It's been 4 months and it seems like forever that Tom's been gone, but then again it seems like it was just yesterday that he left. It depends on the moment. Spring completely passed me by and already it seems like summer is half over. I still live the "what if's"...what if he never went riding, what if we could just go back, what if, what if. I know I have to live in the moment, but there is nothing I want more than to have our old life back. I miss Tom so much, I miss the normal everyday things...kisses good morning, hugs when he got home from work,the security I felt just having him here and the confidence that he gave me to accomplish anything. We had the world at our fingertips and now it's nothing more than a black hole.

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Comment by Christy on January 8, 2011 at 6:24pm

Hi Again Marlena,

I just sent you a messg. & now saw this post from when you were at the 4 month mark, which is where I am now. This post sounds like I wrote it. I guess this is just what it feels like. I was just telling my son how time has been swirling both fast & in slow motion simultaniously.I also want nothing more than to be living my life exactly as I was back in August. I had never been happier in all my life. Larry & I were together almost 8 yrs. Prior to us meeting, I had been married for over 20 yrs to my high school sweetheart & father to my 2 kids, but he had mental health problems that lead to alcohol/drug abuse & eventually forced me to flee with my children in fear for our lives. Larry was God sent! My daughter recently told me that she would never have known people could be so good if she had not known Larry... It is so hard on all of us to live without him now.He made all of us feel special & loved my kids as his own even though they were rebellious teens when we met-he understood their pain & helped them through it. His parents had alcohol problems too & he had suffered in similar ways. The black hole you metioned, well I feel it also. See my photo w/ Larry? It's easy to see that without him I'm left alone in the darkness. I can't wait for the day when I will see the light!


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