I just want to Thank everyone for sharing your stories of your Children, I have just lost my beautiful 18 year old Son Joey on June 22 2009, It has been the most painful thing I have ever gone through, His beautiful face and his precious memories never leave my mind, not for one second of one minuet of one hour, awake or asleep.... I re live the day he passed and the whole week leading up to his funeral on a daily basis... It is so hard to cope. I love my Son with all of my being and miss him tremendously, I could never explain this pain to anyone else, they just dont understand, but I know that you do... It is so unfortunate that we have to be here, but I am thankful that I found you, I couldnt make it through the day without your encouraging words and your loving thoughts about your own Children. I am praying that I have strength and that I dont die from a broken heart, I need to be here for my Daughter who has lost her baby Brother and her best friend. Will the tears and deep sorrow ever stop? Will my mind ever rest? Will I be able to look at his pictures without wanting to die and be with him? Will I ever stop wondering his every moment up to his passing? His last thoughts? Did he feel any pain? Was he thinking about me when he saw it coming? I begged him that day not to get on that motorcycle, it was his friends, I lost my fiance in 1980 to a motorcycle accident and I just never felt safe around them, I always felt a bad omen... he only road it a few times, I thought "Oh he will get pulled over and the police will impound it becuase it isnt registered" he only road it up and down the street, I never thought he would get up on the freeway, Shoot, the bikes clutch was broken, he had to get off of it every time he had to stop and he would have to push it to get it into gear... The day of the accident his last words to me were "Mom, just because you had one bad experience doesnt mean you cant let me live my life!"... How I wish I wouldve sat on him and held him down, I went upstairs to my bedroom to get online with my friend from England, we were talking for a few hours when his friends ran into my room to tell me he was in an accident on the freeway, then I heard the words "MOM, HE'S DEAD!!!!!" I will never forget that, I heard myself screaming, "NO, NO, No, No,!!!!!!" I ran I was trying to get to my Baby, it was a horable nightmare, one that will be burned into my mind forever, I felt like I was running in slow motion.... The rest is a blur, I do remember a police officer grabbing me and not letting me go to my Son, I was hitting and kicking him, I just wanted to get to him... I didnt know where he was, I just knew he was on the freeway somewhere and I would have run a thousand miles to get to him.... I never got to see my Baby that night, I sat on the curb at the coroners office and waited for that white van to pull in, thinking "WAKE UP, THIS IS A NIGHTMARE, IT ISNT HAPPENING...WAKE UP" then I saw the van and I knew it was real... They wouldnt let me see him, I begged I pleaded, but the Deputy was a very kind man and he said he just couldnt let me see him... I had to wait until the next day to see him at the funeral home. Just thinking about it is so unreal, I saw him, unmade up, my family was with me, I had them take pictures, I dont ever want to forget him or what he went through or how he looked, people say that they want to remember how they were, Well, that was my reality, this is how he was, he wasnt smiling or making jokes or having fun, this was it!!! Im sorry, I had to get this all out, maybe someone can help me, I am so scared. I miss him so much and love him and it is killing me not to hear him come through that door every day and night running up the stairs, asking me to cook for him, or telling me goodnight and that he loves me.... Thank you for listening to me...

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Comment by Tami on April 19, 2010 at 10:27am
Thank you Linda for your kind words and I am so sorry for your loss, it is so recent! My computer broke on me otherwise I am usually always on here, I am using my iPod to write. My email is atonsgirl@aol.com, please feel free to write me and I check my mail whenever I can, I would love to hear more about your son...I live in California. Do you have any sites up for him that I could look at? I just want you to know that we all survive this somehow! this will be the tenth month for me, I don't know why but I have been extremely emotional lately, I think it is the more time that passes reality really starts to set in. Do you have other children? I ask because I have an older daughter and 2 step children, it is strange how it effects them all differently. I hold you and your son (I would love to know his name) close to my heart!
Comment by Linda on April 18, 2010 at 8:48pm
Hi Tami, I Do know how you feel, broken, helpless, and so much pain.
The emotional and pysical. It breaks my heart even more to hear your story.
I just lost my 28 year old in a car accident on April 3, 1010. So many words left unsaid, so many hugs and kisses not given. My son had just bought a Mazda sports car-do not know the model. All I know is I had a bad feeling about it. I tried to tell him to be careful, and he would have survived the crash if his seat had been upright, instead of the popular reclined pose. Shoulder harness does not protect when reclinded. Please contact me if you want to share your thoughts and feelings. Linda (aloefair@yahoo.com)
Comment by amaryllis on February 22, 2010 at 4:01pm
Mary, i was writing a comment to you and my message is gone.
I know so much about the pain you are going through. Almost one year - March 2009, since i lost my son.
Going online in the midst of my despair i asked many times (!) how could i contact him! I thought i would loose my mind. There are many things between heaven and earth we cannnot understand by ourselves.
One day i found this LegacyConnect website and it was good - we are not alone.
During this past one year i have been learning many things i did not know before and one of these things was to get to know how to step aside, how to let it go and let the Divine do the heavy lifting. We must seek until we find a way that work for us, a way to lead us to the road of calm and peace. We must keep going.
Blessings and love.
xx
Comment by Mary Powell on February 22, 2010 at 2:18pm
I was looking on line and came across this site and read these stories and I know realize that I am not going crazy-at least not yet. I lost my son Nov. 10th 2009. He had just turned thirty and i still cannot believe he is gone. Michael was crossing the street in Brooklyn Ny in the middle of the day and was hit by a car. He survived the trauma of a head injury but the accident caused him to go into rejection. Michael had a heart transplant when he was 19 (also unexpected) and after 10 years with is new heart he was doing fine. He went into the hospital for some tests and died the next day. The heart transplant was hard enough but this was more than I can bare. Part of me died with him and the other part is so lost I dont know what to do. I have a very surportive family but we are all having trouble dealing with this. I still call him on his cell phone just to hear his voice. I still text message him every day and wait for his answer. Help!
Comment by Jodi Bates on February 14, 2010 at 6:24pm
Tami, my last day with my daughter was on on Feb 19, 2007. We had an arguement over drugs, which she denied and I believed her. We went on to have dinner together, she cleaned up, told her "Love You" , she said the same. She went to school for troubled kids, so I woke up, got ready for work, left. Kept calling her all morning. She never answered. My husband (laid off at time) called me and said I needed to come home-problem with Liz. I knew something was wrong because he never called me again to tell me what she had done.....That was it. She overdosed after inpatient and outpaitent rehab. She is gone as is your son. May they both both rest in peace and I hope that one day, I will find comfort as I hope you do also.
Comment by PAM BRYAN on February 6, 2010 at 5:04pm
it was Oct.3rd 08 but seems like yesterday and then for ever, i miss him so,some days it i get by and oyher days i'm just existing as you no the pain is the worse any mom can take,he was a speacial fun loving hugger the most beautful eyes the one to make a joke and laugh as we allwould. Well the laughter is not to much now are not very often,unless we have his children 2 girls and 2 boys, he has a boy and girl twin and they are 13months he did get to find out and see the ultrsound you couldnt knock that smile off his face, and the other daughter is 12 and son 11. What a blessing he left behind i know he is looking down on us with that big SMILE. You all take care and thank yall for listing to a sad mom like most of us are all of us. JUSTINS MOM PAM
Comment by Stefani's Mom on January 27, 2010 at 6:01pm
Hi Tami
Thank you for your kind words and encouragement. I just read your story and it is heart wrenching. I am so sorry for the tragedy that took your young sons life. They think they are indestructible...I wish it were true.
Comment by Debbie on January 14, 2010 at 6:42pm
Dear Tami,
I read your post just now, and I am so sorry for the loss of your precious son, Joey. I, too, lost my son Joey on June 20, 2008 to suicide. He was 26 years old. I know exactly how you feel right now. The road ahead is tough, as you are seeing right now. I have joined a group on yahoo called AngelMoms2@yahoogroups.com. If you feel like joining, please do. You will only find compassionate mothers who are experiencing exactly the same thing. The support from that group has been a tremendous help to me, as it is for all the others on the site. I'm so sorry you are sad right now. My thoughts and prayers are being sent with many, many {{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}.
Debbie
Comment by Tami on December 30, 2009 at 10:31am

THinking of everyone, You are all always in my thoughts. {{{{{ BIG HUGS }}}}} We all need them.
XO
Comment by amaryllis on November 30, 2009 at 12:50pm
Hi, it breaks my heart to read all these happenings. Knowing how we feel after loosing a son I am sending my prayers, my thoughts and my love to Tami and all of you going through this same painful experience. Take care.

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