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Comment by Kate Heintz on May 19, 2012 at 1:10am

Thank you so much Phyllis.  It is not easy for any of us.  I'm not very good with this sight, but I will try to do better.  I can't seem to cope with this loss.  My husband is not very supportive, but thankfully I have my daugther and my 2 1/2 yr old grandson.  My grandson is the spitting image of my son when he was that age.  I'm not even close to the point of it getting easier.  All I can say is to keep busy.  That helps me.  It doesn't give me time to think.  It was so good to chat with you and I'm wishing you the best.  I know it's not easy.  Where do you live?  Keep in touch.

Comment by Phyllis Estes on May 19, 2012 at 12:22am

Oh honey, how tragic.  I feel your pain.  My son was gone sudden like that also.  Drowned...after hitting his head. 

I'm here for you to talk to.  From all I have read it gets easier to deal with, but the pain .. when it hits is still the same.  ~sigh~  Nothing good to look forward to about that is it? 

We have each other..thank God.  That means alot, so let's embrace the opportunity to make some really good, wonderful, caring and "understanding" friends.  I have to, for me, because besides my husband...I have no one else.  No one.  So, I need you all!!

Comment by Colleen Pasay on November 2, 2011 at 5:26pm

Kate:

Please know you are not alone you have support on here from some very special people. I feel your pain. I lost my 35 year old son a little over a year ago and my life as I knew it basically stopped. I don't  comment too much on here but I read everyday. It seems to keep me focused and the advice is wonderful. I still shed a tear everyday and light a candle for him so he can see where I am. I wish I could say this process gets easier but lets just say it becomes more copeable. It brings us to our knees at times with the ache and the loss. Again please know we are here.

Hugs to you.

Colleen

Comment by claudia m eckhardt on November 2, 2011 at 3:23am

Dear Kate, I am sending warm arms around you.  I  understand your loss with in my whole heart. My youngest son: Robby 25, 5.27.2005; Oldest stepson:Derek 29, 6.3.2006. Being blessed like you, both sons n I extremely close. 

My thoughts and words are: It's okay to feel everything you feel. This is a great shock to every fiber that is you. Be with those you find most comfort with, those who you to allow to grief your way.  . For today you must keep your phycial body on track, you need you. Know this (in your time) lifes's days do get smoothier.

Peace Love n Blessings sent to you

Comment by Theresa Sweaney on November 2, 2011 at 2:29am

Dear Kate, I'm so sorry for your loss and the grief.  I lost my Charles 6 mos ago, at age 26.  It is still difficult, but not always overwhelmingly so now.  I have actively tried to process my grief and look for ways to make meaning and put purpose back into my life.  I get grief therapy once a week with a counselor, I go to grief recovery support groups, I talk with others on this site, I attend whatever memorial loss of loved ones events that I become aware of, and when I feel like I'm slipping down into the black hole of depression and self isolation, I make myself reach out and connect with a friend, go for coffee or lunch, or a walk, a movie, but I just try to not give in to the inclination to isolate.  I know that will only compound my grief and make it last longer.  This summer I took up new hobbies; my favorite one was gardening.  The flowers did me good, and the tomatoes were yummy and easy to gobble when I didn't have any energy or motivation to cook and eat right.  My counselor reminded me last week that it is important to tend to myself physically...take care of myself, eat right, drink plenty of water, brush & floss, physical activity, sunshine (I tried to make myself go out of the house once a day, and my boyfriend tried to get me to when I wouldn't, and he was usually successful, because I knew he was right, so cooperate when others try to help you and accept their help).  If you take care of yourself physically, I really think it will have an affect on you mentally/emotionally.  I hope I have helped with some ideas.  Pick through and see which ones fit for you, and begin to practice some of them.  Keep reaching out to others, even, and especially when, you don't feel like it.