My mom passed a few weeks ago.
I spent 3 weeks packing up her belongings. My siblings came in and took anything of practical value and left the meaningful, sentimental stuff. I made little pkgs for ppl who really cared for mom. Her glasses went to Lighthouse for the Blind, her hearing Aids went to Disabled Vets and her clothes and shoes went to a Battered Women's Shelter.
Now I am back home. And no matter how much I know I did the best I could and how many ppl tell me how beaut the funeral was and she is in a better place and no longer suffering, I still feel awful. The idea of the holidays makes my blood run cold. I used to talk to my mom every day and I miss her. Noone was as sweet and funny and caring as her. I am not intersted in anything. My own siblings seem like snakes and so I pray and sleep and wake up and it doesn't pass. I am actually feeling worse. I can barely lv the hse or shave or function. I just don't care. I go to bed only to wake up 2 hrs later.
People seem so cold in comparison to how sweet my mom was.
I'm getting so I don't even want to be here.
Can someone say something to help?

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Comment by Deliela on March 5, 2010 at 7:36am
I am glad that I joined this support group where people could relate to me. It is hard dealing with my mother's death on my own. I have tried to keep busy and not think about it. I now my mother wouldn't want me to constantly be sad and cry, but it is the way I can deal with her being gone now. My mother had been sick for some years and didn't get medical treatment until a few years ago. She had been through a lot in her life. I am happy that she doesn't have to suffer anymore. She went home to be with the Lord and I got confirmation that she is good. God's got her. I do feel your pain because I love my mama, in spite of everything and she loves me and my brothers, as well as her favorite nieces. I have found some comfort knowing that she is not suffering on this earth anymore and the painful trials she had has disappeared. I know I will have to stay in prayer. Prayer does help. God has to be our comfort keeper. Been trying to keep busy and it seems to have helped a little, but at night that's when I think about her the most. Don't give up. I will keep you in my prayers.
Comment by LGWilson on February 24, 2010 at 1:55am
Darcie, I keep reliving the last day too. I was alone with her. It was about an hr aft the dr. left. I'm just glad we did it at home and not a hosp. And I agree, I'm not sure if the grief group is helping either. It's mostly all 80 yr olds losing a spouse and sometimes I lv there feeling even more isolated.
Comment by Darcie on February 23, 2010 at 10:42am
My mom was diagnosed in September '09 with a rare lung disease. She never smoked a day in her life. We lost her on 12/28/09. That was the worst day of my life! The whole family was in the room with her when she passed. I relive that day every minute. The grief has gotten worse. I attend a grief support group every week...not sure if it's helping. I feel lost without my best friend.
Comment by Lisa S. on January 20, 2010 at 9:14am
LG...our stories are so similar. My mom, also the center of my world...was diagnosed (10/11/08). I took a leave of absence and with the aide of Hospice was her caretaker for 6 weeks. And my mother also passed away in my arms. I leaned over and scooped her into my arms ( hugging her) and as I whispered "it's ok to let go"...she took her last breath. I have never been the same since either....and agree...instead of it getting "better" with seems to get worse. One thing I will say is, since I've been reading posts helps. Sometimes reading stories (like yours) makes someone realize that wow, this does happen to other people and I'm not alone. I wish you peace at heart. XO
Comment by Lorey Donaldson on December 3, 2009 at 12:21pm
Glad you are staying busy, and hopefully are in a little bit better place now that you have moved. Maybe not so many reminders wherever you go.
My mom and I have shared our house for 20 years, and I was her caregiver for 4.5 years.
She passed away on Nov. 25 th. A week ago she was still here in her bed. I didn't want her to go, but I'm so glad my cousin gave me permission to keep my Mom at home as long as I needed to.
Hospice wanted her removed almost immediately as so did others. No way. It really helped with some closure. Sleep is still hard and so is everyday.... as you know, nobody can take their place.
You sound like a great guy, not many men take care of their Mother's. It usually the Sisters job. She must have cherished your close relationship.
Thanks for writing, I'll let you know how tomarrow goes.
Hope you have a good day,
Comment by LGWilson on December 3, 2009 at 2:44am
Lorey, thank you for your comment.
I know exactly what you are saying about not feeling much reason for doing anything. But it is starting to get better. At least I am finally doing things. I moved out of my apt and so glad I did. That entire apt seemed to have a broken heart if you know what I am trying to say.
And the phys act of moving kept my mind and body busy.
When did you mom pass? How long has it been for you?
God be with you at the memorial.
Comment by Lorey Donaldson on December 2, 2009 at 9:47pm
I feel bad for you and what you are going through. I can relate about the siblings . It really hurts when they don't seem to care about your Mom and her welfare. I hope you have somene who will listen to you and really listen, that has helped me. I really broke down today when I ran across my Mothers shoes. I put them on her feet every day. The house is so empty now and not much reason for doing anything or finishing projects.
The memorial is on Friday...Wow.
If you don't have anybody to talk with I'd be happy to converse.
And try yoga.
Comment by LGWilson on November 27, 2009 at 1:14am
Thank you so much Sally. I joined a bereavement group becasue my stomach feels like a cement mixer, can't eat, only sleeping 2 hrs here and there and just feel gutted. I usually luv comedies but just can't yet. But will try the music, lavender and sage....thank you for that.
I tried to get a massage but just felt worse. And I have cried until it felt like I was choking on my lungs. I am going to try the walking.
xo thank you.
Comment by Sally on November 26, 2009 at 8:33pm
I accompany you in your grief. I became physically ill today, dealing with the absence of my amazing mother. She died August 12 this year.It has not gotten easier yet. I think the feelings you are having are normal. I think of it has being hit by a train emotionally. We need time to recover. Alot of time. Watch some comedy. Distract yourself. Hope on the computer. Liten to music you have listened to before, up beat music. Burn sage in your home. Lavander is also soothing. Go for a walk. Cry. cry . cry. Breathe.

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