On December 1, 2009, I recieved an email from my father in law. It contained his suicide letter, reading the words that he felt needed to be said, my heart felt stuck in my chest. I tried calling and got no answer. I hurridly got my boys ready and sped the whole way there. Normally it takes about an hour 15 to make it ther, I was there in 45. I dropped the boys off on the next block at a friends. I got there and his car was there, I open the door and its this erry silence. I was trembling and crying before I made it through the door way. I quickly glanced around the first floor and it was empty. All the while I am praying "Please let him be asleep". I make it up the stairs and I can see his feet at the edge of the bed, as I go closer I am seeing more of his body. I'm really shaking now, the last images I have of him are nothing I EVER want to see again. He used his mothers 8 gauge and ended his life. I am asking myself why's constantly. I know this was his choice but I am not only hurting but anger he would do this. I know its wrong to feel this way but I'm sorry, its the way I feel.