WHEN MOM GOT SICK THE LAST TIME THE RENAL KIDNEY FAILURE, YES SHE
STOPPED EATING AND DRINKING ON PURPOSE, SHE TOLD ME GET ME OUT OF THIS
REHAB NOW I WANT TO COME HOME,BECKY TOLD ME BE PREPARED SHE IS COMING
HOME TO DIE NO MORE HOSPITALS OR REHABS OR PHYSICAL AND OCCUPATIONAL
THERAPY, I WANT TO GO HOME TO DIE. I AM TIRED OF ALL OF IT. SO I GOT
HER OUT AND BROUGHT HER HOME, FOR SEVERAL DAYS SHE WAS DOING OK, BUT
THEN SOMETHING WITH HER GOT HARD, SHE NO LONGER WANTED TO TRY AND
THAT'S WHEN I BROUGHT HOSPICE IN.

AND ME HOSPICE AND MOM TALK, SHE WAS TIRED OF EVERYTHING SHE NO LONGER
WANTED TO BE A BURDEN ON ANYONE, THAT IS WHEN HOSPICE TOLD ME POSSIBLY
6 MONTHS(BUT I KNEW LESS) BUT HOPING FOR MORE, SHE GRADUALLY EXCEPTED
WHAT SHE WANTED, BUT I WOULD NOT LET GO, I WAS EXTREMELY HURT AND
ANGERY WITH HER DECISION ON GIVING UP, THAT'S WHEN MOM,BECKY AND I
KNEW TIME WAS NOT ON OUR SIDE. HOSPICE WAS HELPING ME TO PREPARE FOR A
JOURNEY I WOULD NOT BE READY NOR WILLING TO GO THRU (AND I WAS NOT)
LORALEI is my daughter 8 years old THRU OUT THIS WAS MY BIGGEST HERO,
SHE AND I TALK A LOT ABOUT
DEATH AND SHE CAME UP TO ME ONE NIGHT AND TOLD ME TO ALLOW GRANDMA TO
DIE WITH DIGNITY!!

HOSPICE TOLD ME SHE WAS IN CONTROL OF HER JOURNEY AND WAS RALLYING AND
WAITING

DAD AND MARY TERESA CAME IN SHE WAS HAPPY BUT I KNEW SHE WAS NOT
WAITING FOR THEM...

ROB CAME IN AND EVEN THOUGH UNCLE JULIO KEPT TELLING ME OH SHE WILL
MAKE IT THRU THE HOLIDAY, I KNEW BETTER...

ROB WHEN YOU LEFT I KNEW THAT WOULD BE YOUR LAST TIME YOU WOULD SEE
HER..

WHEN I WAS SO WORRIED EVERY TIME I CAME IN HER ROOM I WOULD STOP AND
ASK GOD PLEASE LET HER BE ALIVE AND SHE WAS.. OCTOBER 29 THURSDAY WHEN
HOSPICE CAME IN MOM WAS NOT DOING WELL I KNEW WHAT HAD HAPPEN THAT
NIGHT HOSPICE TOOK ME OUT OF THE ROOM MOM HAD A MAJOR STROKE, SHE NO
LONGER WAS TALKING AND FRIDAY EVENING SHE HAD ANOTHER STROKE, BECKY
WAS WITH ME FROM THURSDAY NIGHT AND NEVER LEFT ME ALONE, I PUT HER ON
OXYGEN FROM THEN ON..THAT IS WHEN HOSPICE TOLD ME TELL YOU GUYS TO
TALK TO HER AND I LEFT THE ROOM SO THAT YOU GUYS CAN SO WHAT YOU
NEEDED, I DO WANT TO LET YOU KNOW SHE COULD NOT TALK NO LONGER BUT
WHEN SHE HEARD EACH AND EVERYONE OF YOU SHE HAD A SMILE!!
SHE
KNEW!!

SHE WENT INTO A COMA I BELIEVE NOV.1ST OR EARLIER HOSPICE CAME IN
NOV.1ST WE GAVE HER A BATH THEY TOLD ME TO TALK TO HER SHE STILL CAN
HEAR, I DID NOT KNOW WHAT TO SAY JUST HELD HER HAND AND CRIED. SO
BECKY AND I TOOK TURN I WOULD SLEEP COUPLE OF HOURS, WE BOTH SET UP
CAMP IN MOMS ROOM ON 2 OTTOMANS GAVE HER MORPHINE EVERY HOUR, HOSPICE
CAME THAT EVENING AND TOLD ME IT WILL GET WORSE BEFORE SHE PASSED, OH
MY GOD! THIS IS THE SPIRITUAL SIDE OF THE JOURNEY THAT EVENING I SAW
GRANDPA AND ABOUT 200 TO 400 OF THEM IN MOMS ROOM, BOTH BECKY AND I
LOOKED UP AND THE CEILING WAS A BRIGHT ORANGE AND THERE WAS A SOUND OF
DRUMS THE LATER IT GOT THE LOUDER IT GOT! JOEL CAME IN THE ROOM ABOUT
5:45 AM AND WAS VERY GENTLE AND WARM LIKE HE HAS BEEN THROUGHOUT THIS
PROCESS AND WAS TALKING TO HER HE WOKE ME UP AND TOLD ME I DO NOT HAVE
A LOT OF TIME, I RAN TO THE BATHROOM MADE MOM AND I CUP OF COFFEE WITH
A STRAW (SHE LIKE THAT WAY) I CAME BACK IN THE ROOM SHE TURNED HER
HEAD OPENED HER EYES AND SMILED AND TOOK HER LAST BREATH.

I SCREAMED AND RAN TO JOEL, JOEL GOT LORALEI UP AND READY FOR SCHOOL I
KEPT THE OXYGEN AND LORALEI STOOD IN THE ENTRANCE OF GRANDMA'S ROOM
BUT WOULD NOT COME IN, SHE KNEW!!

MOM PASSED AT 6:23 AM AND I HAD TO CALL THE TIME OF DEATH, NOT
HOSPICE, I MADE A MISTAKE I HAD THE PHONE UPSIDE DOWN AND CALLED THE
WRONG TIME AND DROPPED THE PHONE BECKY PICK IT UP AND HANDED BACK TO
ME, I DID NOT WANT TO CALL THE TIME,BUT I HAD TO. WE WAITED UNTIL 7:34
OR 7:SOMETHING THAT'S WHEN HOSPICE SHOWED UP CHECK MOM'S PULSE, AND
CALLED THE TIME OF DEATH.
HOSPICE
MADE MISTAKE ON THE PAPER WORK SO WE HAD TO START THE PAPER WORK ALL
OVER AGAIN, THEN I WAS ALLOWED TO GIVE MOM A BATH, AND SPEND SOMETIME
WITH MOM JUST ME AND MOM,NO ONE ELSE!!

THE FUNERAL HOME WAS CALLED AND THEY REMOVED MOM, BUT COULD NOT FIND
THE CONTRACT I SIGNED IN APRIL 2009, AT 11:00 AM BECKY AND I HAD TO GO
BACK (JOEL WANTED TO COME WITH ME) AND HELP ME BUT I WOULD NOT LET
HIM, SO BECKY AND I HAD TO GO AND PICK OUT THE COFFIN AND REDO ALL THE
PAPER WORK, THEY ASKED ME IF I WANTED TO DO MOMS HAIR BUT I COULD NOT
I JUST COULD NOT...

WE CAME HOME AND BECKY,JOEL AND I CRIED,YES MOM WAS OUT OF PAIN,BUT
SHE WAS GONE... JOEL THOUGHT HE WAS DOING THE RIGHT THING BY PACKING
EVERYTHING OF MOMS AND REDOING THE ROOM, BUT HE FAILED THAT EVENING I
LOST IT I PUT THE ROOM BACK TO WHERE IT WAS WHEN MOM WAS THERE 8 OR 9
HOURS AGO I EVEN MADE JOEL MAKE THE BED AND I STARTED THE OXYGEN TANK
AGAIN AND SAT THERE FOR AWHILE AND LEFT THE ROOM.

THE NEXT DAY I SHUT EVERYTHING DOWN AND JOEL MADE THE CALL AND MADE
SURE ALL THE HOSPITAL STUFF WAS PICKED UP THAT DAY, AND THAT DAY WE
WENT TO MOM'S REHAB AND GAVE THEM DIAPERS,WHEELCHAIR,WALKERS AND
ANYTHING ELSE SHE HAD.

AND NOW I
HAVE TO GO THRU ANOTHER JOURNEY BY MYSELF WITH NO ONE EXCEPT ME AND
HOPEFULLY A GOOD THERAPIST.
BUT THE JOURNEY I WENT THRU
WITH MOM I WOULD DO IT ALL OVER AGAIN

HOSPICE HAS TOLD ME IS
LONG AS THERE IS HOPE THERE IS HOPE


LOVE ALWAYS