We took my son back to where he was born and baptized in order to do a memorial service. I think it helped a little. But I still want my son back. I miss him. He was my best friend. We had to spend so much time together because of his illness it got to the place that we were all we had was each other. When he was sick you couldn't have company because he had no immune system and now he is gone. How can I go for the rest of my life and not hear his voice or see him? I don't know what to do with myself anymore. I am so broken hearted. I can't get past what the chemo did to him. It burnt him up. It hurt him so bad I could feel his pain. He haunts me. I wish I could get past all this and enjoy his memories again. I just feel sometimes like this is a night mare and I am going to wake up from this hell. How will I ever go on?