I am a christian woman and raised my kids to be the same. I do not believe in suicide so let's get it straight. I picture Chris in Gods arms holding him and keeping him safe till I can get there but what I don't understand is why am I still here? My heart is so broken and my soul in sorrow. Most people tell me that with time things get easier but the heartake never goes away. I don't believe God's purpose for me is to live the rest of my life so miserable. Everyone is so full of advise but for the most part they have no idea how I feel. I don't think I have laughted in months. I find nothing funny nor do I feel like gettting out of bed. I just want to be left alone. I just want some answers. I want to remember my son the way he was and not what the cancer and chemo did to him. He haunts me everytime I close my eyes. Did I do enought for him? Did I fight hard enough for him? I sit here and pray to turn back the clock. Did I make a stand to the Dr's when they pretty much gave up on him and couldn't look me in the face? What could I have done? I sit here and I know if I had a do over it would be way different. I would not spair feelings I would fight,scream,yell and get a court order to put him on a ventalator so the meds had the time they needed to get in him. DID I Do enough???????????????????