My baby girl Brianna was born full term Oct 7th,2003.She later died at 10 days of age from a heart defect.It was thee worst day of my entire life.Here it is now,6 1/2 years later and I find myself still struggling over her loss.I recently started couseling.For the 1st time since she died,I was able to openly talk about my pain.Its like a pain in your heart that never goes away.I just joined this site after learning a friend passed away.Maybe he was directing me to this site to help me.I am so sad to hear of his loss.He was such a wonderful person.

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Comment by Carol...mommy of Brianna on May 15, 2012 at 8:57pm

Life is soooo busy!!! I haven't been on here for abou 1 1/2 years. WOW!!! Well, I guess I have alot I can blog about lol... Since December 11th, 2010 things have gotten better. I have gone back and forth with couseling. I don't think I need it any longer, so I don't go anymore. I think what has happened that has had the most positive effect on my way of healing is that I chose to forgive the father of my daughter Brianna. We had so many issues and he had done alot of things to hurt me and my kids. He caused me so much stress, all through my pregnancy. I think that may have alot to do with why Brianna passed away, is when she was in the womb all the stress and termoal I had gone through. That was passed along to my baby girl and help creat her illness. It bothers me to think about it as I am typing now. But I have to remember I forgave him. Forgiving him has helped me to move on, somehow I'm more at peace. I do think of Brianna often, almost every day. The pain of losing her is alot more bareable than it was 2 years ago. She has been gone 8 1/2 years, with god blessing her soul. Seems odd sometimes it has been so long. I have caught myself getting ready to call my youngest Brianna but stopped before her name came out. I do wish she were here with me. I love her so much and she was and has been a blessing. I have learned alot about myself and also of others who has exsperianced a loss of a child. I have a friend who just lost her son...he was born early. He had down syndrum and also congentical heart defect. He had 2 surgerys but his body was to weak to win this battle. This is the 2nd loss of a child for her. A daughter named Vanessa at 1 year of age with a hole in her heart. Then about 9 or 10 years happened again. She is a strong believer in Christ and her faith is helping her. She knows he is with our heavenly father. Even though this is difficult, she also finds peace in knowing where her little guy is...up in heaven! So many things in such a long time. To much to type right now. But just know God is good, when they say time heals... I believe it to be true. My memory of my daughter will always be with me. The love I have for her will never rest! I have my bad days, but now there are more good days than bad. So that must be a good thing, right?!?!?

Comment by Carol...mommy of Brianna on December 11, 2010 at 11:00am has been a while since I have been on here. I'm proud of myself, I have done couseling and started my healing process. I had a counselor for a few months that helped me get the things out I needed. She left to go back to her job in another town. I then seen another counseler for maybe two months. I didn't really click with her, but I continued to see her. I did learn it was time to move forward and she gave me the tools to help me do so. I have my days I feel sad and it is alright to be sad. I just can't let my greif controle my life. I did for so many years, but finally I feel I can move on. I am not leaving Brianna behind, but she forever lives on in my thoughts, my heart and my soul! She is with me and apart of me every single day... 

Comment by Jonah's Mommy, Wendy on March 26, 2010 at 9:46am
Hi Carol - I'm sorry for your loss of Brianna. I lost my son, Jonah, to numerous congenital heart defects at only 17 days. He passed away on August 6, 2009. I miss him tremendously and the pain is unbearable on most days. I'm always looking for other to talk to about this....Thanks - Wendy
Comment by Carol...mommy of Brianna on February 25, 2010 at 8:50am
Thank you very much Andrea.I have been doing better more so lately.I've been seeing a therapist and I totally opened up and let every feeling out that I have ever had about losing my daughter.It was such a relief because I have always kept all my hurt and pain to myself.I suggest maybe you should try seeing a therapist to talk to.It took me 6 1/2 years to do it.That was way way to long.When I talked to my therapist about Brianna,it took about 2 days of feeling sad,but after I feel sooo much better.I hope to find others like us.I think it will help!Ty...Carol
Comment by Charlesmom on February 22, 2010 at 4:44pm
Hi there, sorry for your loss of Baby Brianna, just thought you may want to chat or vent. My son Charles was born full term on May 15, 2009, he was stillborn. I am having a hard dealing with this..some days are good but then others are baddd! I too just joined this site to get to talk with others who know my pain. My family is great, but it seems like they don't want to bring him up, they think I will get upset...they just don't know that I love to talk about him, express myself and speak of the What would have beens. Well, if you would like Im here to listen and offer support. Andrea

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