Living thru ( trying to live thru) the dreadful loss of our daughter Lacey.

It's so hard to even breath right now. Feels like I am drownding in my own breath. Lacey has been gone 280 days today. 18 years we had the miracle of her.
Lacey had been ill for years, but ... she was able to live a life full of joy & adventure of a 'normal' kiddo. Attending public school until 2006, she just got too ill to make it everyday. After kidney transplant & various other illnesses Lacey began attending school at The Childrens Hospital in Aurora Colorado. So many many gift were allowed to her during that period. In & out of hospital on regular basis, over 60 admissions in 3 years, May 2 2009 was her last admission. Lacey had a condition that focused on her lungs , she was not to drink any fluid unless she thickened in to a honey consistency with thickner that was always available no matter what. I had tucked her in bed with a kiss & a prayer the night of May 1, 2009.
Her meds were due at 8 am --- when I went into her room an hour later our Lacey was barely alive. 911 HELP !!!! AHHHHHHHHH she not breathing !!! her eyes rolling back in her head AHHHHHHHHHHH !!!!
Ambulance took her to a hospital near our home only to be flown ( flight 4 life ) to TCH where we were told her brain was basically dead. Docs told us her lungs were full of fluid & no oxygen had arrived to her brain. Her brain was so swollen ... out of 100 children that was seen in this condition, 100 died. On May 15, Lacey's heart stopped beating. I think mine did too. I have chills. Just need to connect ... to something, someone ...

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Comment by Tweedie's mom on February 19, 2010 at 11:58am
Dear Dear Edi
I'm so sorry for your loss, I too know the pain of losing a loved one, I lost my youngest and only son on 7/25/09 the worst day of my life,I do know your pain hun,add me so we can talk.. Lisa Gregory's heart broken mom..
Comment by Debbie on February 19, 2010 at 10:54am
Dear Edi,
I am so sorry for the loss of your precious daughter Lacey. I am Debbie and I lost my son Joey to suicide on June 20, 2008 when he was 26 years old. I know you are feeling lost without her. . .I am still lost without Joey too. I have joined another site called AngelMoms which I think would be wonderful for you too. There you will find women who you will totally connect with, they have their own stories, but we are all in the same boat as we have all experienced the loss of a child or children. There are women who have lost 1,2, and even 3 children to different causes. Edi, you are not alone on this new road we now walk together. Here is the address for Angelmoms: Please go on the site and register so that you can begin to heal with the rest of the moms there. We are all here to help each other. I don't know why these things happen to us, but they do. We won't find out why until we meet up with the loved ones who have gone before us and God. I do care Edi. . .
Debbie, Mom to ^i^Joey
Comment by Margie-Kenny's Mom on February 19, 2010 at 10:01am
Edi, I am so sorry for your loss and pain. I know how much it hurts. I lost my 25 year old son Kenny 11/2/2008 and it still is hard for me to accept. All I can tell you is that you are not alone and there are people like you and I out there that care and understand the grief we are in. I have been told that you arrive at a new normal in time. Nothing is ever as it was before but slowly we find a way to live with the pain and to keep on living. I try to keep the memory of my son alive by living and loving his sisters and brother. I try to remember his laugh, how much he loved our kitty Rocko, and the joy his life gave all of us.

Be gentle with yourself, know that you have just lived through the worst thing any parent can imagine, losing a child. Try and stay close to the ones that loved your Lacy and together you will all get through this.

Bless you.
Margie~Kenny's Mom
Comment by Danielle L. Moore on February 19, 2010 at 2:06am
Edi Im here. Yes the grief is profound. Let it out! I still let it out. I GET STOMACH up sets at any given moment. My son who is my profile picture is gone. The hole he left is tremendous. Yes we are here for you any time. I am so sorry for you lost. I work nights so write me anytime. Bless you, and pray Danielle Moore

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