Mom passed one year ago tomorrow at 1:02 p.m. To say it's been a difficult year would be an understatement! I never realized what a journey this was, and how personal at that, it would be! I know it is not over....the journey of grief, that is....but am hoping that I am at least turning a milestone down this long a very narrow path....made for only one....me!
One of my brothers, Tommy, helped me put a Memorial in today's Sunday paper recognizing the one year that had passed. I thank him and love him dearly for his support. Only once did he try to tell me to pick-up my life and "Move-on," and then my rock of unconditional love, Buddy, our Black Miniature Schnauzer, died suddenly on Oct. 8, 2009. He and I both knew from that day on, I'd have a difficult time, and Tommy was the only one in my biological family that cared or garnered me the time and attention for my double loss. Tommy, like me, is an animal lover, and when Buddy died, a little more of me died, again! Thank you, little brother for understanding....if from a distance. Not one of our siblings called....Did they see Mom's Memorial in the paper today? Did they hear about it from someone that can read? Did they even care?
Buddy "Budster" Boomer was only 8 and five days short of his 9th birthday when stricken with sudden onset of Juvenile Diabetes. He had a perfect well-check and shots along with his sister, 6 weeks prior, and so this was definitely unexpected! He wasn't sick, and I'm thankful for that. He just looked like me....like he had lost a lot of weight rather quickly, and that one Wednesday, he seemed a little sluggish. I took him to the vet, his count was so high he was admitted to ICU immediately, blind in 6 hours, and gone in 24.
We barely got to say good-bye, but remarkably, he awoke long enough for me to talk to him and thank him for the love and devotion he had given our family....especially our grandkids that loved him so. He was their protector! Then, I caught myself talking to him and telling him good-bye just as I had Mom..... only in more detail. (I think the recent viewing of the movie "Marley" must have some way been in my heart, because that is close to how the parting went.)
Buddy had no talents, he did no tricks, and quite frankly, he could oftentimes be quite worthless. Just like Marley, he was scared to death of storms to the point that medication was often needed to calm the extreme panic! He flunked out of more obedience schools than we can remember, and he bit the first photographer that tried to get him in the family photo with the grandkids. Yet, we wouldn't have taken anything in the world for this worthless, yet loving and most protective friend a family ever had! He loved the grandkids, and especially shined when the 4 granddaughters would dress him up in pink anything...... esp. tutu's beads, hats and jewelry. Pink was definitely his favorite color, and it if was pink, and in our home, it belonged to him! Most that knew Buddy would find this shocking, because a more aggressive and "ready to attack" schnauzer has ever existed! He adored, loved and protected our family, but that was it...with the exception of one or two of our friends. The rest, were targets, and a leg or an arm would work if not refrained or relegated to the spare bedroom when guests came.
As I let him slip to doggy-heaven, and after I'd thanked him for all the good times, the great lap service he'd provided all of us, the snuggle behind the nap of your bent legs in bed dog, the side by side comfort when you needed to cry, the laughs he provided as he ran through new fallen snow, or chased a squirrel up a tree in the backyard, or the chase that ensued when you took off your socks that were now his, I knew his end here on Earth was near, but I had to say one more thing. I told him to "try" to be a good boy, and to try really hard not to bite anyone, especially on the first day! Within a few minutes, Buddy was gone, and I will never be the same. He'd been here for me through all of the difficulties of losing Mom this past year, and never asked for anything in return except the comfort of my lap or the company of my legs as we slept at night. I never realized the comfort he'd brought to me in this most difficult year of losing Mom....until he was gone!
The hurt still runs deep, and losing Budster was the crowning blow to 2009 for me! I started another and a new grieving journey, one less traveled by so many, and one definitely not understood by most...... especially the rest of my family, except Bill, my husband, and Tommy, my animal-loving brother. I know also, that is the day my grief turned a stage for the worse, and just living life became more difficult as I was even less understood by others. But this is my journey, and the path is narrow....I'll find the place one day to "Move-ahead," but it is not yet.
Tomorrow is going to be a very difficult day.....Jeez.....I only wish my "Budster" was here to help me get through it. We miss you, Buddy! I love you and thank you for the devotion, and most of all the unconditional love and support that seems to be MIA since you have been gone. Thank you for being "my" canine child" and friend, constant companion and greatest listener in the world!
God's Speed....best dog in the world! Mommie's heart aches for you and Nanie!