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Comment by Cynthia McClanahan on January 7, 2013 at 6:36pm

Mel I am so sorry & I so feel your pain. My husband hung himself the day before Thanksgiving.  I am still a mess & everyone is telling me it gets better, give it time, keep yourself busy, blah, blah, blah.  I am just sick about this & want his to still be here by my side.  He was my everything, but sole mate, my bestfriend & care taker.  I just want to go back to that day & not go to the post office & come home.  I would have been home before it happened.  I keep telling myself it has to get easier, it has to get back to normal, but I just can't seem to get there yet.  I told myself I was going to go out on NYE & have a good time with old friends.  I had a friend of my husbands & mine with me, which I thought would be helpful to me, cuz he was a friend of his & thought it would help me feel some kind of comfort, but that was such wrong idea.  The guy ended up being a douch bag & ruined my night & made me feel even more uncomfortable.  I cry every day & if I forget to take my xanax in the morning when I wake up, the day is a total mess.  Danny did all the cooking, cleaning, dusting, vacuuming, wash, outside work & took care of the birds, fish, cat & dog.  I don't know the first thing about fish & the birds get on my nerves.  The cat has been around for a long time & really no bother.  The dog, well lets just say, it is probably a good thing he is around, cuz otherwise i would lay in bed all day and not bother getting out of it.  Danny suffered from diabetes, high blood pressure & depression.  He would not go to the Drs. or take care of himself, so when I finally got him to go to the Drs. on the Thursday before Thanksgiving, she gave him his medicine as well as an anti depressant.  He took all of them in 5 days, which put him in such a sad state of mine that he was able to what he did.  He had recently been irratible, aggetated & angry at the world, which was normally not like him.  He was always a out going, funny, making people laugh kind of guy.  I just wish I would have gotten home sooner & we could have talked.  He was such an amazing, smart & wonderful person.  I love him & miss him so much.  :-(

Comment by Mel mcCoy on January 4, 2013 at 9:26pm

Hello, today I didn't cry, I combed my hair and I tried to have a normal day. I am not sure what normal is anymore because I still see everything clearly as if its just happening. I felt like crying but I held fast, does the pain ever stop? Do the nightmares go away? Will I ever close my eyes and not see the love of my life in that state? I am sorry to ask these questions but please tell me they go away.

Comment by Robin Mayer on December 30, 2012 at 11:10pm

Hi Mel, I am with you. I have finally reached a point of crying what is left of my soul to exhaustion. What ever you can do that helps you, just keep going. I know days seem impossible,we can only support each other if it's only a minute at a time. Robin