I was widowed in 1999 after a twenty eight year marriage. He died in front of me at home with my four year old grandaughter at his side. Even though it is going into the eleventh year I go through the motions as a stranger alone in this world. I go out to eat alone and stare at an empty chair, yes I have made friends and lost some too and as you know us widows are a threat it seems to couples out there. A lot of my friends are to busy and some of it is my fault for I find myself thinking oh they don`t want to be bothered with me or they would call so I continue to live like this. I do have one friend that is getting me into volunteering for the veterans and it is very rewarding ( one day a week so far).

I talk to my husband when I am alone and have dryed up roses from the funeral in my bedroom with a ciggerate pack and a golf ball with his picture of course.... I hope I am not alone with this , have you done anything weird in that way?

I have met a good friend that is sixteen years older than me, we can talk but he has a lady friend he has known for fourty years so I really don`t want to hurt her or he doesn`t either although we do talk. I feel I betray my husband sometimes for there was never another man in my life but funny how you can talk to women but sometimes you just want to hear a mans voice, guess I am crazy in that way.

Are they any out here that it has been years and still grieving in your own way? Everyone thinks oh I am a stong women but inside I have died a slow death, yes I agree you get past it and settle into a new life but part of you is left behind never to be found again. If someone is going through this years later let me know I think I am the only one sometimes.

I wish I had found this site before now for at the beginning I sure could of used it .......... Thank you for listening.....