One week ago our baby girl and love of our life passed away in her sleep at only 28 months. She had been completely healthy. We had zero warning. I went up to get her from a nap as I had done many times and since then nothing but horror. Cayden (7) and Reese (5) were home at the time and saw me come down screaming call 911. They saw the grief and horror on my wife's face. They saw the police. They saw the ambulance. They pleaded with fate to allow her to come back and they would give up anything. Emerson was adored by her sisters. Even as the baby she was the one that could get them to stop fighting. She was in the thick of it all the time.
The overwhelming grief of the last week has been so hard on all of us. We couldn't bury her and went with cremation. My wife and I now wear charms to keep her close to our heavy hearts. I already have a daily ritual where my BlackBerry alerts me at 11:03 and I kiss the charm. The time is her birthday 11/3/2007.
Reese (5) is mourning her sister properly. She acknowledges that she loves her sister and misses her. She talks about her freely and talks about needing her. We had a small ceremony with only grandparents, aunts and uncles. We had a priest say a few short prayers then had a slide-show set to sad music. Reese wailed openly as did my wife and I.
Which brings me to Cayden (7). She was openly upset when it happened but since has dried up and will directly tell us that she is keeping it in and will not let herself be sad. I read her some grief books but she's a tough nut to crack. A woman in a grief chat tonight told me her daughter was similar but hid a bunch of items from her sibling. Cayden being a pack rat makes me wonder if she'll do the same.
My wife and I are on egg shells. We are just dealing with things differently and are both just so afraid the other will tire of dealing with the other. I just want to console her and take the pain away but I'm so afraid to push her away. I know she needs her space but she also needs her friends more than she thinks. I'm so afraid we are not going to be able to bring her back. She's always been the best mom and now her apathy makes me so fearful.
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