My dear one passed away 4 months ago to suicide, leaving behind 3 beautiful children. I have been in a daze and just wanted the world to stop. Christmas was so difficult to face without him. Sometimes I feel like he is with me or maybe that is my wishful thinking. So many thoughts flood through my mind, I remember our last conversation so well, he told me so many beautiful things, little did I relize that he was saying goodbye!! He didn't want me to know and he hid it so well and was soo strong for me. It just breaks my heart. He had a very sad life and just struggled on a daily basis with depression. My baby lost the battle, he did try hard though. The saddest thing for me is that he was in too much pain to face another day!! He was a tortured soul with a beautiful heart. I miss soo much it hurts. So many people are judgemental when it comes to suicide. Sometimes I just want to end my life to be with him but I wouldn't want to hurt my family and friends.