In 2004 I lost my Bestfriend, Fiance,Childhood Sweet heart and my kids dad to suicide. It was the worst feeling in the world.I had known him since 7 years old and just couldnt and still cant understand what was wrong!! Everyone came at me for answers but what was I going to say! I didnt know anything myself. Its 2010 and I am in another relationship but I just cant seem to find closure with his death. People who have never gone through this dont understand. I went through every emotion that I could have. It also was embarrising because it was right before our wedding so not only did I feel he left me with the two small kids he also in some ways left me at the alter!! His family was really mean to me and majority of them still are. How can I have closure or even forgive him for what I have had to go through.