Missing My Son, my light , but not my memories!

Lil D, was the nick-name our family gave to him. He was my only son. On Halloween in 1993, I gave birth to my son denny it wasn't easy delivering a 10lbs. 8oz. baby but when it was over, St. Anthony's Central staff asked if they could use lil D as the bath model baby. I said yes. He was perfect, and he never even cried once. I was so releived after leaving the hospital, I had remembered back just two years before just wasn't so enjoyable leaving University Hospital, where I gave birth to my set of twin girls, with many complications it was a horrible memory leaving the hospital with only one babygirl (shantel) was able to come home. Hurting deep inside thinking how would I be able to live without my other twin daughter Shaynie? Shaynie was still born and after she was already gone 4 longer than the legal limit of 5 minutes the staff at university decided it would be a good learning process to revive her she was recessatated. Shaynie was almost completely braindead.Then on November 6th, 1991 my beautiful babygirl passed away. The whole ordeal was a complete and total devastation to myself and our family. God bless my babygirl. Mommy loves you babygirl. Trying to shake the worry of anything bad happening as i was leaving the hospital this time around was really hard. But when we got home it seem to slowly pass. The dates are just another reminder of my loss, as Shaynie was born Oct.29, 1991 and her lil brother D was Oct.31, 1993. My due dates for my twins, was Oct. 31, and had them two days early. The years that were to come would be the most rememorable times of my life, there were good times and there were many blessed moments and pleasurable family times I cherish all of them.
Then November 7th, 2002, tragedy struck my still fragile state of exsistance, when my beloved son Denny was killed. The devastation and pain from my first loss was basicly still dormant in me. But then loosig lil D, it was the straw-that broke me down. I will never be the same again, on that cold night on Riverdale road, my lil boy was ran down in the street with him was his best friend Shannon. This world lost the two most magnetic charmers and handsome lil boys ever!!! We miss my Lil D! I can't tell you the agony that struck me I was also 7 months along with my youngest child Destiny, Lil D wanted that name for his baby sister not yet born at the time of the accident. When you loose your child, it's unbearable. But when you loose two, as I have , you loose yourself, your mind and I was lost for so long I missed out on so much more than I ever thought possible. I can't even exsplaine in words what took place till just a lil over year ago. I was so gone I truley went insane, for many years I stopped living. I can say this I wanted to die and I tried to make that happen. But as hard as it was living it was just as hard trying to die. God must really want me here and I couldnt see why. Until I started to seek help almost two years ago. I pulled myself together, with the help of much legal battles and professional staff members, and by any means it was not easy or a quick journey. But the two most important reasons and lights that helped me to see the way and reason to get to where I am now. My girls. My Shantel and my Destiny! I love all my children. God just had other plan's for my son and his sister. I could of never made any scents of all my loss til this lady at the flower store one day said to me, "your the mom I seen on the news, you lost your son"? I said yes I was. She began to tell me that she was praying for me and that "This may help me understand. She said children are on loan to us, and when God decides they come home with him then we are to love them and nurture them. She said I did such a wanderful job raising him and doing what God wanted that he was ready for his return. And what beautiful and special place god must have for him.

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Comment by mommax4boys on April 4, 2010 at 4:44pm
Your a strong Mother...God Bless you!

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