with some input from a friend i just figured out why nine months has been so hard...as i said...you can have a baby or you can plan a wedding in nine months...in other words, you can begin a life in nine months...for me, i have had to say good bye to a life. i just didn't realize that was what i must have been thinking until a friend pointed it out to me...thank you to my friend...i am a little calmer now because it makes perfect sense to me about why nine months was rattling me so much. i know my grief is far from being over, actually i really don't know how you get over it, but i at least understand why i have been so antsy as the nine month mark approached.