How do I cope with the lost of 2 sons within 5 weeks of each other

Hi my name is Judy I am the mother of 2 very special sons ages 28 & 32 they left me on july 4th 2007 and aug.15th 2007 5 weeks a part.I still hear them call Mama I walked in the yard till 5 am this morning.waiting on there cars to come down the driveway.I lay on there bed and hold there clothes I and still smell there colon on them sometimes.I hear them come to my room and set on my bed I know its them such a peace comes over me then poof is gone.Shawn was my baby 28 full of life and had a few beers but not drunk over corrected on the road flipped his truck 3 miles from home a friend called said shawn had been in a wreck.i jump in my car @11:30pm start calling his cell but he did not pick up when i got there they would not let go to him and hold tell him i love tell he was goin to be ok cause mommy is here i did not get to see him or hold my baby Shawn died on impacted,My other very special angel died 5 weeks a 6 day later i gave him his meds becausehe was sick that day was at11:00 am that morning i rubbed his back and told how much i loved him I was a mess still from the loss of shawn. told him i was going to lay down. at 2:00Steves best friend came over I told him Steve did not feel good said he would only say a little while then he came running to my room mamajudy steve is not breathing omg we pick him up carried him the living room and started CPR
I was giving him all the breathe i could getI begged him please dont leave me i cannt do this ALONE
but he went to be with shawn and take care of him he died of a massive heart attack in his sleep
I have loss my only to reason to live.I want to be with my babies i need tem so much

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Comment by BONNIE on May 27, 2012 at 12:38am

You know my heart goes out to you. I wonder if you just had the two boys and that was it. I know it is so hard to go on when you lose someone you love. The emptiness and shock sometimes overwhelms. I think the heart can only take so much.  I wonder what the doctors say about a 28 year old having a massive heart attack. Was it the medicine the doctor prescribed-an allergic reaction? I am a mama bear-someone better do some explaining.

You are not alone.  It is strange you mention 11:00 that is the "angel" number.  The two o'clock is another one for me. My daughter that died when she was a toddler and injured her self I would ask what happened, she would just look at me and matter of factly say " 2'oclock" This became a family inside joke. Everything that happened was at 2'oclock. Her death certificate said she died at 1:49 am but your mentioning these times reminded me of these things.

One thing I have to say is after this you are never the same. This is life changing. All those years caring and hoping for grandchildren-no parent should ever have to bury a child.

I have been doing much family genealogy work and so much has opened up to me since my daughter died. Strangely just last week I learned about some ancestors of mine. Direct great-great-great-great-great grandparents in Ireland. They had to bury 7 sons that died from starvation during the potato famine right before they came to U.S. to forge a better life.  I got pictures of the place they had lived where their children had all died. It is just awful. I have learned many of my ancestors had children die. Some very young. Even my grandmother had two babies die. One at age two from a infection and one at birth the cord around the neck and they could not revive. Why this happens is beyond me.  I just know that life is fragile and precious.

Bless you Judy, may you find joy and peace

Again I am sorry I just can't imagine what you are going through. I have had heart problems and nightmares and only lost one.

hugs,

Bonnie

Comment by Alicia Rodriguez on July 9, 2011 at 3:20am
My name is Alicia my beloved son Jesse passed on 7/12/09 he was 28. I miss him everyday.im so sorry for you're loss of you're two son's it is very sad.i lost my 1st born on 6/27/79. We never forget them we just go on living i wish i could go back and do something defferant.But i can't. GOD BLESS YOU...ALICIA JESSE'S MOM....HUGS TO YOU...
Comment by Mary Ann Squires (Macs) on December 30, 2010 at 9:07am

Dearest Judy, What a terrible journey you have had, to have lost 2 sons is unthinkable.  I'm so truly sorry for you and my heart aches for you. I loss my only child Logan, and it damm near killed me. Infact, I wanted it to. Logan, was so full of  life and so witty and funny.  He was in Vietnam at the time of his death. just got a new management job there, when he didn't show up for work they found him in his hotel room. we may never find out what happen to our beloved son. Please judy, know that you are in my thoughts and prayers as we all struggle to move on with our sorrowful lifes. It has been 3 years for you, has it become at least bearable? I loss my Logan 10/26/10, I'm just numb and living in a daze and hoping some day I can at least funcation again. Spending you big HUGS. Macs

Comment by neicy on May 9, 2010 at 3:39am
Judy i am so very very sorry for the loss of both of your babies you will be in my prayers . May God grant you peace and have mercy on all of us
(((((Hugs))))
Neicy

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