Lost my dad

I lost my dad on April 21, 2010 and I am having a hard time since his passing. Not only was he my dad but he was my friend. I feel hurt, bitter, and angry. I also feel that I have to be strong for my son and my mother. I hurt inside and don't have anyone to lean on. I feel so alone.

There are a lot of times while I am working that I have to fight back the tears and when I get home and alone I don't cry because I held them in for so long. Is this normal?

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Comment by Tryingmybest on June 7, 2010 at 12:09am: Dear Michael.
I am so sorry for your loss.Please know that what you are going feeling is totally normal. I lost my Dad on Feb 27th this year to cancer. I too have hard times dealing, i feel i have to be strong for my mother as she is sick too as she has kidney failure due to her diabetes and is a dialysis patient.
The hardest part is how alone i feel because no matter how much they try, my friends just do not understand what i am going through. Maybe because we are young, i don't know. I am 23-years-old and all m friends are in their early 20s too. Work, relationships and partying is the focus of their lives. I used to be like that too but now something inside me has changed and i feel so alone.
But Michael, please hang in there, cry if you need to, it is normal. I personally feel that things WILL get better. WE are still here, our lives are still to play out, we owe it to ourselves to keep living and be hopeful.
I too feel i have no one to lean on so i have decided to lean on myself and be kind to myself and my feelings.
I try to actively grieve for my father everyday,set aside 15 - 20 minutes each day to think only about him and let all my feelings out.It sometimes even goes to an hour or more. But i allow myself to feel whatever i need to.
It helps me a lot as i can go through the day with some amount of peace. But the sorrow is always there.
I don't know if i helped but i really hope you feel better. You are not alone.My prayers are with you.

Comment by LG on June 4, 2010 at 4:03pm: Michael, so sorry to hear about your dad. My deepest sypathies to you. I lost my father a long time ago, when I was still a kid really, but I do still miss him. Also lost Mom two years ago and my husband's mother one year ago yesterday. I know what you mean about holding the tears in. Then you want them to come out, and they don't. It is normal to feel this way. You can't always control when you feel sad or when you can cry. Give yourself permission to feel whatever you do, when ever you do. It is not easy to lose a parent, so you are very normal no matter what you do. Your mom and son will understand inthe long run. Best of luck to you, my prayers go with you.