My husband, James, passed away July 4,2014. We met in 1999,married Jan.2003. He became ill & permanently disabled in Nov.2004. He wanted to retire in the south so we relocated in 2007. He was diagnos…

My husband, James, passed away July 4,2014. We met in 1999,married Jan.2003.

He became ill & permanently disabled in Nov.2004. He wanted to retire in the south so we relocated in 2007. He was diagnosed w/bladder & prostate cancer in 2011. Although disabled and having undergone chemo & surgery, with a bit of caregiving, he was still "getting by". (Terminal, but not immediate). Allows you to forget, things are coming to an end. He refused to admit it was terminal until the very end. His sheer stubborn will allowed him much longer than any doctors thought.

That all changed June 2,2014. He developed a heart condition & then began a slow bleed internally. So he went downhill FAST & passed away. Thankfully he was home the last 3 days, and he slipped fairly peacefully from this world, as we know it.  So over the many years of caregiving, I put myself on the "back burner". Now I must find Mary. No idea what Mary likes, wants to do. The grief is UNMEASURABLE. Trying to focus on teh future, but the visual is cloudy & distant. I'm seeing a counselor & will join a grief group next Tuesday. Trying to do everything to get back on my feet & move on, instead of being STUCK.....in this PAIN.  

Can't really talk anymore right now. Thanks for listening. See ya later.

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Comment by Joan M. Wright on August 7, 2014 at 10:31pm

Mary:

Having been through the agony of lost love twice, I know the feeling of helplessness and despair which grips and immobilizes.  It used to be JamesAndMary as in one word; now it is Mary.  I don't want to presume what is best for you; I can only tell you what works for me.  Seeing a counselor is an excellent first step in turning your attention toward self-care.

Do something for yourself every day: coffee in a new place; lunch in a nice restaurant; a short walk in a pretty place; buying flowers for yourself; a visit to a hair salon; a manicure; reading uplifting passages, wandering through a bookstore.  As you grow stronger, you will gain confidence and clarity and begin to see the world differently.  Take it slowly.  It is a painful process; but also on some level, self-affirming as you begin to see yourself in new ways.  I suggest that it is too soon for you to be thinking about the future -- unless, of course, you have to make immediate financial decisions.  Your wound is new; not quite a month.  Give yourself the time to heal.  In honor of James, live your life with honor and dignity.  You will be ok.  Believe it.

Joan

Comment by Melinda CANDACE Guinn on July 30, 2014 at 8:00pm

I'm so sorry for your loss. Who is Mary? What are your issues that you put yourslf on the "back burner:"? Hope you seek treatment.

Comment by T.C. Goodwin on July 30, 2014 at 7:30pm
You put the true meaning to "for better or for worse"..I am sorry about your loss. (Rev 21:4)

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