My husband, James, passed away July 4,2014. We met in 1999,married Jan.2003.
He became ill & permanently disabled in Nov.2004. He wanted to retire in the south so we relocated in 2007. He was diagnosed w/bladder & prostate cancer in 2011. Although disabled and having undergone chemo & surgery, with a bit of caregiving, he was still "getting by". (Terminal, but not immediate). Allows you to forget, things are coming to an end. He refused to admit it was terminal until the very end. His sheer stubborn will allowed him much longer than any doctors thought.
That all changed June 2,2014. He developed a heart condition & then began a slow bleed internally. So he went downhill FAST & passed away. Thankfully he was home the last 3 days, and he slipped fairly peacefully from this world, as we know it. So over the many years of caregiving, I put myself on the "back burner". Now I must find Mary. No idea what Mary likes, wants to do. The grief is UNMEASURABLE. Trying to focus on teh future, but the visual is cloudy & distant. I'm seeing a counselor & will join a grief group next Tuesday. Trying to do everything to get back on my feet & move on, instead of being STUCK.....in this PAIN.
Can't really talk anymore right now. Thanks for listening. See ya later.