I think after my life turning upside down, and everything normal turned into abnormal, I think totally different now. I know before I used to have bad days, but robotically went through life to get to this point that I thought would bring me "happiness". My brother killed himself, because this place... either just gets further away, changes destinations, or when you reach the desination it isn't what you thought it would be. Hopelessness. This mental knowing that nothing will ever be calm and happy and easy. This thinking that I am just a small insignificant nothing in a huge world. I feel looked through; and even when I am looked at, people see something else that I don't feel or think is me. Whoever this cover is that shows all day is not what I'm thinking and feeling. I have never been one to wear my heart on my sleeve... well atleast not extrovertly, only introvertly. People can hurt me, but I do no harm to others... ever, intentionally. When is the day that I can wake up, kick back, put my feet up and just say ahhh... I made it, here is my destination. This journey is over. I don't think it will ever come around. There is always going to be conflict, drama, and feelings of "this is just not good enough".