We just passed the one year ANGELVERSARY of Joeys passing *sigh*, Im still alive, It has passed so fast, it seems like yesterday but then when I think of the last time I saw him when he was leaving that day it seems like a million years ago...I miss him so much : ' (
I had a BBQ in his memory on Sat., the Deacon that said his mass was there, he gave a blessing, he also gave me a personal blessing, he is such a great man. Tuesday night (the actual one year) we went and got 50 white balloons for all of us (We get 22 every single month since his accident and we let them off, I dont want his friends to forget him, we usually have about 20 people show up) We tied the balloons to the fence to wait until 7 PM, we were all standing around talking and """SWOOSH""" there goes 25 balloons, they somehow came untied and escaped! we were stunned, so we retied the 25 we had left and we were all trying to figure out how it happened, next thing we knew """SWOOSH""" the other 25 went up up up... We didnt know what we were going to do at this point! So one of Joeys good friends went to Safeway and had them blow up 50 red balloons, they were beautiful, but all of a sudden I got this overbearing saddness come over me, I went upstairs to my bedroom and locked everyone out, It was because i didnt want any negative thoughts or words and when the balloons flew off everyone was mad and blaming eachother, I couldnt take it so off I went, I had a good cry and I told them to leave me alone and just let the balloons go, they did a little speach, I didnt hear it, and they went to the middle of the street (they stopped traffic, we do that every month too) and they let the balloons go.... I went out on my back porch and got to watch them fly up and out of site....after almost everyone left I went downstairs, i felt relief from crying, and we were outside and one of his friends came out of the house and said "Ma, theres like 20 red balloons in the kitchen!" they had only grabbed 30 ballons for some reason and so I got to let off balloons after all!!!! i think Joey had a hand in that, I think he knew I was upset, it was just so strange, it was peaceful, nobody spoke, we watched them go up and there was wind but they went straight up, I watched them until I couldnt see them anymore. OK, so I am just letting you know that I made it through, I am still here, Some days I dont want to be, but I know I have to wait until it is my time, I dont go around being depressing to people, I know a few mothers that Ive met that just cant hold it together, and I hear other people say they cant be around them, so I hold it together 99% of the time because I need these people in my life, I know it isnt for everyone, but it works for me. I figure, ONE DAY GONE, ONE DAY CLOSER TO BEING WITH MY SON... I need to make the best of these days, my son wouldnt want me to be a depressing person, he would hate it when I would get in a mood, he just couldnt stand it! So I am trying people, I miss him with my entire being, I love him heart and soul, I wish i could erase that day from the calender so that it never existed. To those that are just starting this terrible journey, I am so sorry, I was where you are now, we all were, we are all still here, you will survive and it doesnt mean that you dont love your child with all you are, it just means that when it is your time you will be together and it will be like a blink of an eye for them when we see them... I CANT WAIT! I hold each and every grieving parent in a deep hiding place in my heart, you all have a special place there along with your beautiful children, My love goes out to you.
Thank you for taking the time to read this, sorry if it is scattered, I just get emotional whenever I write about my baby.

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Comment by Linda on November 22, 2010 at 3:29pm
I have been looking all over for a decal like that...where can I get one? Some have told me flea markets, but none that I can find. Any help would be greatly appreciated...thank you..Linda..Jennie's mom
Comment by Linda on November 22, 2010 at 3:29pm
I have been looking all over for a decal like that...where can I get one? Some have told me flea markets, but none that I can find. Any help would be greatly appreciated...thank you..Linda..Jennie's mom
Comment by Tami on September 30, 2010 at 12:50am
Hi Janie, I too believe like you do! I feel that when us parents connect so do our children no matter how old or young! I have missed seeing you on the site, I hope that you are doing as well as can be expected. I love everything that you wrote. Thank you!
Comment by Janie on September 30, 2010 at 12:18am
Hi Tami, You sure have the strength for so many of us parents. It comes from your heart. We all know the pain. I feel that our kids are all in heaven. Their painfree, perfect home, just being patient and waiting for the time when we all meet again. I don't know if anyone else feels like they are still in their bodies, in heaven, they are just in another part of this world. With the freedom to do what they want, mostly just watching all of us here on earth, hoping that we live good lives so our Lord will welcome us when it's our time. They are in another world, just not with us that we can see them. Help me out here, am I off the wall or do others feel something like that. Rich was pretty quiet and private. My boy and I did have a very special relationship. We did share so much, that is why I am at peace that he is in heaven as an angel of God. It'll be 3 years in January, 2011. I still have his last month of life so fresh in my mind, and it's peaceful, BUT very painful, because I picture the pain he was in and so scared and lonely because everyone else thought that what happened to him he did to himself.
The pain medication mixing with alcohol. He was told 3 years before he died, to stop drinking or he would not make it. I guess that was his choice, between him and God. Our Lord must have agreed with him and took his hand and said "Rich it's time to come home and suffer no more. My heart goes out to everyone. I don't think this pain will ever go away. It's our NEW NORMAL WAY OF LIFE NOW. Bless All of us, Janie
Comment by Ann on September 18, 2010 at 1:16pm
Tami this is past awesome. Joey would have loved this!!! Congrats on such a beautiful event!!
Comment by Daryl Reynolds on August 23, 2010 at 7:06pm
Hello my name is Daryl Reynolds. I lost my two and only biological children this Mothers Day to a distracted tractor trailer driver.Last year I took my youngest son Isaiah 11,to school on his first day at a new school. I also picked him up every day afterward, I'm not looking forward to Wednesday morning at all.I also saw my oldest boy off to school also Daryl Baucum 15. Please pray for me and my family. Thank you.
Comment by Daryl Reynolds on August 23, 2010 at 6:59pm
Bless you all.
Comment by Tami on August 4, 2010 at 1:45pm
To Anyone that has been propositioned from Selakofi Please go to her page and click on BLOCK MESSAGES, She is a sick individual that needs to be stopped, that is the only way I can figure out how to stop her, She has written to some people on this site asking to start a relationship... Please, If you can, go block her...Thank you, We dont need people like her on this site!
On another note, I hope that everyone is getting throught each day one second at a time, just breathe. I hold you all on my heart, Its getting crowded 8 ' (
Comment by Tami on August 1, 2010 at 11:49pm
I can tell you what I would do, I would get out that ornament NOW and hold it and cherish it for the next 4 months, that way it wont be such a shock.... I wish I wouldve thought of that, I have learned that the more pictures I have up it is less hard to look at them, before I couldnt even have a picture up, It just tore my heart out, NOW I have pictures everywhere, It is still really hard, but It isnt a shock to my system when I see them. I wish that I had grand children... I have grand puppies! My Daughter has 3 large dogs that she has left here with me, Joey took to Cali, he called her his dog, he loved her so much so of course I spoil her. I can remember the 8 month mark, it seemed like a year was coming so fast, when the year was here in June, I was a little shocked that an entire year had passed... It is so hard to think that they are gone, I remember when it was his birthday, how he had turned 18 and it seemed like forever until he would turn 19, he never made it... We celebrated his birthday 5 months after he passed, I had a BBQ at the park with all of his friends and I had a cake and balloons, large posters of him and it was bitter sweet. I wish that I could take away all the pain from myself and others, it really does help to talk to people that have been there, nobody else could ever understand.
Comment by Susan - Donny's Mom on August 1, 2010 at 10:34pm
Hi again....I have been thinking about how I will make it through xmas. But I love Xmas time and I do have 4 yr old grand son who deserves a happy xmas and a fun happy family. He has not idea what this family is going through or what has happened in the last few years....
Every xmas I get out all my stuff and since my son was 5, I always put on his ornament he made me, a gold star of david, he made it in kindergarden with a teacher who was jewish....that became my traditiion to always put his ornament on first.....well I can't imagine what that is gonna be like to find that in my boxes and try and keep it together to put that on my tree....
I don't even remember putting away all the decorations last year....it was all a blur.....
Just feels good to let these feelings out to someone who knows the pain....
working on 8 months now....
someday we really have to meet.....we are close in area

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