On July 5, 2010 my husband of 27 years was suddenly taken from me due to a heart attack at the age of 51. Just 6 months earlier he had been hospitalized for 3 days for chest pains... on a heart monitor the entire time, several EKG's, ultrasounds of heart, stress tests... they sent him home saying it was ACID REFLUX and not to worry about it. Now, he is gone because of heart disease... something the hospital should have taken care of. I believe they did nothing because we did not have insurance at the time.

I am broken, devastated, angry... alone.... I miss him so much. I go through the motions daily, doing what I have to do, but nothing is the same. When in the shower, I smell him... I walk through the house, see something and it reminds me of him. I would like to believe that I am handling things ok, but in reality, I am not. He loved to listen to music. If he was in the kitchen, bathroom, outside, he always turned on the radio... I can't stand to listen to music now. We loved to fish, now I can't stand to look at the fishing poles. I don't know how to live daily without him. He is the one who was always there to hold me and let me know that things were going to be alright.... now I have no one. The first week all I wanted to do is look at pictures of him, now I am finding that it is just too painful. I have a video of him playing peek-a-boo with one of the grand kids. I watched it many times that first week, just to hear his voice. Now I can't. A friend of mine made me a beautiful video in remembrance of him. I have seen it a couple of times... When she gave it to me, when the kids saw it for the first time, then the grand kids... now I can't watch it. I am hoping there will come a time that I can watch it and remember the great times and memories we made together, but for now it is just too painful.

I know that this is my 'new' life... a life without him. I don't know how to do this. We did everything together. Very seldom was there a time that we left this house that we were not together. How do I carry on? How do I live daily with him not with me. I talk to him every day. I tell him good morning, and every night I sit on the bed and talk to him, but all I can think about is that night... the paramedics... the monitor.... the sounds.... the shocks.... the CPR.... I kept thinking that any minute he was going to come back, but he never did. It didn't sink in until at the hospital when the doctor stopped CPR. My world came crashing down around me. I was holding his hand, telling him to fight, but he couldn't. I am just totally destroyed. I have always said that things happen for a reason, now I find myself questioning that. What is the reason for this? I know I have family around me, but I am so alone... I am a zombie...

I have been through so much these past few weeks. First I find out that the life insurance I thought we had is not there. I had to rely on family to pay for the funeral, which made me feel horrible. He always took care of me, and I could not take care of him this one last time. There were 2 days that no one seemed to know where his body was... the funeral home has put me through so much turmoil... everything that could go wrong went wrong.

Baby, I love you more than you could ever know. You will always be in my heart....... Rest in Peace my sweet love.

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Comment by Edith R on January 18, 2011 at 2:14pm
Hi Tina this is Edith again it's been 1yr and four months I lost my husband.  Sometimes I wish I was with him, but my children and grandkids keep me going.  It's still hard I talk about him every chance I get.  Enough about me I hope u are doing fine.  Let me know how are you doing.
Comment by Edith R on January 18, 2011 at 2:14pm
Hi Tina this is Edith again it's been 1yr and four months I lost my husband.  Sometimes I wish I was with him, but my children and grandkids keep me going.  It's still hard I talk about him every chance I get.  Enough about me I hope u are doing fine.  Let me know how are you doing.
Comment by Christy on December 5, 2010 at 4:54pm
Tina, I just replied to your post & then I clicked on your Larry's photo. I am so sorry, I know how you feel. It doesn't seem possible that we can be here without them. I don't feel like a whole person anymore & this wkend I have been out of it-like a "zombie" as you sd. Sitting mindlessly day & night, unmotivated to clean or shop or do anything I need to do or should want to do. My "husband" & I were never legally married because we worked together.... but we have been living as a married couple/family for over 5 years after purchasing our 1st home. His son, my 2 "kids" & our 6 mos. old grandbaby also lived with us. We were together almost 8 yrs. My Larry was 38 yrs old & died from accidently drowning on his new job- that he took so we could finally get married! I have no rights in GA as common law so everything that we worked together for is being ripped away. I am devastated. I don't mean to make your feel any worse- I am also grieving for the others I now know who have recently "lost" loved ones. Just want you to know I understand how you feel. God help us!
Comment by Edith R on October 30, 2010 at 3:16am
I sent u a note in Sept I hope everything is a little better for u I mean much easier for u. I still miss my husband so bad and it's been 1 year 1month and 2days. I have good days and bad days i'm sure u are having them. That love we have for them will be there and I'm sure they are there for us. I will be praying for u.
Comment by Kathy King Kates on October 28, 2010 at 9:30am
I click thru the sight daily to read others stories and see yours today. So sorry how badly you were treated by the ones you expected to be there for you and your dear one. I do hope things have gotten better and you are carrying on okay. It can be devastating realizing how much paperwork and all you have to go thru during this time when all you wish to do is climb under the covers and stay there. I hope you have found some help to muddle thru all this. Take your time with what you must. Pay what you can and ask for help otherwise. I am amazed that some people really are compassionate at the words "my husband died, what do you expect me to do??" Do take care of your self. Know that we are here for you. Come back and talk with us..It does help.. Any particular questions, someone out here has or is going thru it and will have answers. Look at some of the articles and things offered here by Legacy too. Some great suggestions and helps. Hugs
Comment by Edith R on September 18, 2010 at 12:30am
Hi Tina I'm sorry for ur lost, and everything u have went through, it's enough u lost ur love one, and had to go through other trying things. Try to remember ur love u two had for each other, and cherish ur grandchildren. It will be a year for me losing my husband Sept 28 2011. I am still lonely and I have my children and grandchildren I love them but noone can take my husband place. I'm sure u will handle ur griveing. Everyone handle it different, I'm still having a hard time. I will be praying for u.
Comment by david on August 6, 2010 at 7:21am
We have 2 things in common . 27 year marriage and recent death of spouse . my wife was killed in car accident 4/5/2010 . i am missing by wife just as much as you are missing your husband . she was my life . i have no hobbies / no close friends / with exception of my mother who i take care of (she's 87) no family within 1500 miles . i am lost . a ship at sea in a terrible storm with no compass and no rudder . however having said all of that . i am lucky compared to you because i have not experienced the financial problems you have . As for the hospital not finding the problem with your husband I can tell you my wife was also told she had ACID REFLUX and she had insurance and to this day i am not sure if she did or not . so maybe it will help you in some way to know it's not unusual to be told that if they cannot find anything else wrong from the standard test they do . i will say a pray for you today.
Comment by kathy obiedzinski on July 19, 2010 at 11:30am
tina: i am so so sorry for your loss. i just read your comment on the website what a sad situtation you were going thru. tina you did do something for your husband you showed him how much you loved him and that beats anything. george thought he had not insurance he had a very small policy but we saved some money to pay his funeral beside the insurance policy i do not know if the funeral parlor where you live would have given you a time plan to pay i know here in jersey city the will work with you to make payments again i am so sorry for your loss it is such a short time george passed away 17months ago of a massive heart attack

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