I had to take my Mom off life support, I didn't know her wishes, I feel like I killed my Mom. I could have done it today, tomorrow, or a week, but I chose the day. This is so hard to live with, I ask God's forgiveness and her forgiveness. She didn't know what my brother and I were doing, it is not fair for someone else to make that decision. It was her life! God forgive me, I need peace in my heart and to tell my Mom I am so sorry. Any suggestions on dealing with this issue.

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Comment by Ellen M. Woodruff on August 10, 2010 at 9:22pm
First of all do "not" feel guilty! I just basically went through the same thing 6 months ago with my mother. The only difference is she knew what was going on. It hurt me knowing she wanted off the ventilator and would not make it. She wanted to go "home". That's what she wrote on a piece of paper. Did home mean her "home" or home to God? Mom was able to decide to go home with hospice by her side. I was also her caregiver 24/7. I gave up my part-time job and my family to move in her home with her after she was mistreated in a nursing home. Anyway, after we took mom off the ventilator she was so happy. She had COPD and congestive heart failure. The doctor did not think mom would make it home. She made it home and lived for 3 days before she passed. I feel your mother would also have wanted to be taken off life support. I have heard so many people say they did not want to live if they had to be on life support the rest of their life. Mom wanted it only if she could get off it. We tried but had to put her back on it. Your mother and God "loves" you and I know they don't need you to ask for forgiveness. However, I know they have. Your mom is in heaven now with my mom and both are enjoying the beauty of heaven. My problem is I was very close to mom. She was more like my best friend. My dad passed years ago. Now it's just me and 2 other children. I'm the youngest and basically the only one who is looking after the estate. I'm back home with my family after being with mom for 2 years. I am having problems "adjusting" to being back in my own home. I miss mom so much! I know she isn't suffering an is at peace. Yet, here I am here on earth feeling sorry for myself because I miss her. For the past few weeks I have been nervous, sick on the stomach, depressed and just not up to par. I also recently found out I have a thyroid problem. So, I don't know if I'm sick because I miss mom so much or if it's a physical problem. Yes, I've seen my doctor an I am on medication. I know I can talk to mom and God an I also know they are all by myside. I just feel like there is something wrong with me. You ask how to deal with your issue. That's a tough one. But, just know deep in your heart you didn't make your mother "suffer". She knows you didn't know her wishes. So, don't be so hard on yourself. Keep her memories in your heart and she will always be with you. Had you not taken her off life support would she had made it? Honestly, maybe not. So, you did what was right (I feel). You took the suffering away from her. Now you just need to feel peace that she is in peace and is not suffering or lingering on a machine. I hope I have helped you in some way. No it isn't fair to have to make this decision for another person. But, deep down I think this is what she would have wanted and you made the right choice. May the love of God be with you now an always. Take care! Elen

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