Almost three years, since Natasha died. Understanding life, and the loss there of is still and unknown force.
However, for those who are in the throes of grief. You will reach a time where you will laugh, if only at a memory, cry, knowing that you were blessed with one of God's greatest gift, and you will thank him. Where you come to terms with one of the facts of living, is that we will die. And when you ask, why your love one. A glimmer of understanding, will help you to survive, the pain.
Open your soul to experience that this is life. We have to leave here. I believe that Natasha is our Angel. That through God's will, she watches over us. Helping us to follow the path that our life is destiny to take, making us stronger, and accepting.
I didn't want to stay on this earth without her. I wanted to be with her, protecting her, knowing where she was. I wanted to die. I forgot the many blessings that I still had.
I know now that this is grief. If you open your soul and mind, and pray to survive, you will. You will leave that terrible darkness, the void will disminish, with time, you will survive.
We miss her like crazy. This is the level of grief that we are experiencing,
I read a book during the darkest days, "The Courage To Grieve". It helped in recognizing some of the levels of grief. This along with searching for answers in the Bible, provided comfort at different times. Other times you have to go through it. What I know is that we all grieve differently. But you will reach a level, where you can survive the dark period. I slip, I still experience feelings that can't be described, because they are beyond description. But, now I know that time passes and you reach a safe haven, where you live, with acceptance, that you were blessed with the gift of have given life to another. That life made a difference to this earth and to others. That life made a difference in our life. That life had a purpose and when the purpose was served, it moved to the next realm.
If you're confused or asking what was the purpose. Remember that God works in mysterious ways. Each day we all make a difference to this planet or it's inhabitants, whether through good deeds or bad ones.. But we make a difference as did our children. Their purpose was fulfilled.
Our daughter was a kind, loving, intelligent women. The memories are special and keep us grounded. We are blessed and so are you.
It will get better.