I spent New Years Eve with my 3 grown sons and their families. Nothing flash, just sitting around the dinner table chatting, laughing and reminiscing. We saw the New Year in, standing in the frontyard, watching the fireworks around the neigbourhood. It was a good night, and on arriving home, I was thankful for making it through. But, the next 3 or 4 days that followed were exceptionly bad. I didn't feel it coming, it just hit me like a 90ft wave. I crashed, and I crashed heavily. I couldn't stop crying. Everything I tried to do, ended up in tears. I couldn't even do the simplest of things. Doing the bed seemed such an effect. I sat on the side of the bed unable to stop my tears, and then finally when they eased. I went out to the garden and again the emotions took over. I couldn't speak to anyone without breaking down, I stopped answering the phone in fear of not being able to compose myself for long enough. It really hit me hard. One of my biggest fears since loosing Pete was here, entering the New Year without him. I was a total wreck. I really didn't think I would come out of it..................... Well things seem to have settled at the moment, and even though I feel very fragile, I've been able to make it through the last couple of days, without to many tears. I know the next wave is on the horizon, as it is Pete's Birthday on the 3rd of Feb. but until then I will take one step at a time and just try and make it through each day without him. I miss him so much.

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Comment by Marilyn Hannah on January 8, 2011 at 7:38pm
It must be something about starting the new year without them. I made it thru Christmas ok but New Years Eve and day was horrible. I felt totally alone and completely lost. I too cried all night and day. I haven't been able to go in our room since Charles death. I made up my mind that I had to straighten it back up. Hospice put the bed clothes from the hospital bed on our bed, I couldn't stand to see them. When I had straighted the room up I felt Charles presence and now I can go back in there. I pray this is the beginning of healing although I know I will never get over losing him.

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