I just want to say to those that have been in mourning for a while that I have been diagnosed with a psychological condition (as well as neuro problems) that essentially disconnects me from the outside world. Sure I have neighborhood friends (one even has a key to my house just in case they don't see me for a while) but other than that my "Mr. Wonderful" (my nick-name at work) attitude of being in the thick of things and thriving on it went away slowly after my wife's passing. Although I always smile and greet people (some whom I don't know and probably will never see them again) unless I am crying which happens at very inopportune and awkward times.
I am not in control of that anymore. Even when I have gone to see friends in the hospital after surgeries, car and motorcycle accidents, etc, when I see them I just start crying. I know that is not the best thing for them so I normally say something nice to them and excuse myself and leave. Just talking about it makes me weep, I used to hide it but if I am in public and tears come down and I don't even bother with them until they clog up my nose or are dripping from my chin.
It has gotten to the point where if I see someone in stress it all comes back. This is a surreal world I am living in and I hope God will see fit to take me soon. I don't want to be insensitive to those left by cancer, or that hav it themselves but if they are to diagnose it in me I will refuse treatment.
God bless all of the survivors.
It just seems like an aimless wandering.