Almost a year since my husband passed away

Its going to be me a year on November 21, 2011 lest than 2 moths away since my husband passed.  I life hasn't changed.  I still stay home on the weekends by myself with the dogs and no one to talk too.  It seem that its going to be that way til the day i die. My work is good.  My finanical situation is kinda of tough right now.  Going from paycheck to paycheck.  And sometimes that isn't enough.  I have no true friends.  They were all my husband's and they don't even call me since he died.  I just wonder if life should so be this lonely.  Can't trust anyone these days.  So why be here.  No i am not suicidal just depressed.  But i guess that you can die from a lonely heart and that's probably what i will die from if something doesn't get me first.  My whole family is in my profile pic.  I am the only one alive.  It sucks the big one.  

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Comment by D'Andrea Prater on September 29, 2011 at 9:10am

It's been 8months for me now,

I have no friends because I didn't need anyone else I lived with my best friend.

Like you it's just me and my husbands dog who now sleeps with me.

The first time I let he in my bed to comfort me she jumped up and went right to his pillow and curled up as if it was her place. So now it is.

I tried going out and yes I laughed and had a nice time with his friends byt when I put my car in drive I start crying because I know I'm coming home to nothing.

All my talking is done online with my mouth closed.. He would have liked

What makes me happy is to know I did not leave him to feel this kind of pain and if I have to feel this to keep him from hurting like this, then I'm happy to do it.

I can not imagine my baby feeling like this. The thought of not being able to take care of him if he felt this kind of pain, would be to much for me. So I guess I'm still taking care of him. My phone does not ring at all any more now that he's gone because his friends were ours.

I still beg him to come and hold me but in between madness I thank God he did not leave my husband behind to hurt like this.Today is a little bad for me because of the weather change, He loved the Holidays and yes I will still get him something I just don't know about the decorations. But I will try to make it nice for him in case he's looking . Every year I would cook for about 50 people this year it will be a tv dinner for one. Im really angry today because I can open my front door and point to all the houses where the couples are not even happy, you can hear them yelling sometimes.When he was here we would laugh and say how sad that was that they don't know how to be happy. Not I get upset because I feel it's not fair. So again I just must Thank God because he did not leave my husband alone. That man loved me so much and would be so proud to see me standing strong and as I get a little stronger I can hear him say " That's my baby"



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