The subject line of this blog runs through my head a lot sometimes.      It reminds me of the Agatha Christie book "And Then There Were None" 
There were 5 people in my family...and now there are 4. 
Nowhere is this more apparent than when I get together with my family.  I can get together with just my mother okay...although maybe not at her house.  But add my Dad and/or my sister Pam...and I have a hard time.
Then it just feels like there's this overwhelming hole there...and it hurts a lot.   Although Easter wasn't too bad...and Mother's Day was great...I think this feeling is worse on most holidays.
I want to find a way to make it more bearable...or I'm going to soon be tempted to simply skip holidays. 

Memorial Day was not good.  I don't know what happened.  I was not anticipating a problem.  But it was difficult for me...and worse when I got home.  By the time I got home I felt like I had been punched in the stomach...I was sad, depressed, and really wanted my sister back. 

And I was once again hit by the finality of death.  I just don't know why that is so very hard to take in!!
NOTE:  I actually wrote this is May to one of my online support groups.  Since then I have bought a small bouquet of fake well as a 4x6 frame.  (the frame of course has a picture of Liz in it)  I put these in my parents' living room.  (I spend most of my holidays at my parents' house)  This has actually helped considerably.  In a's like she's there.  And this makes it bearable for me.  And that's what I was looking for! 
But that's just for the minor holidays.  I have yet to hit the major ones yet!  I've been preparing for them by making pretty online frames for some pictures where I wish my sister a happy holiday.  And also make collages of the different elements of the holiday...a wish for her...and usually a picture of her that I plan on printing before the holiday, and holding on to it on that day. 
For me...I need to figure out how I am going to handle each holiday ahead of time.  And I mean as far ahead of time as I can.  I've been pretty anxious about some of them until I have figured them out.  Then even though I might still have some anxiety...I have even more peace about them. 

Views: 79


You need to be a member of LegacyConnect to add comments!

Join LegacyConnect

Latest Conversations

Aaron Caldwell updated their profile
Nov 6
Aaron Caldwell posted a status
"Hoping to connect with other gay/lesbian members who have recently lost a spouse."
Nov 6
Aaron Caldwell is now a member of LegacyConnect
Nov 6
Heather Williamson is now a member of LegacyConnect
Oct 18

Community Guidelines

Please be respectful of others. For more information, read our Community Guidelines.

Follow Legacy

© 2023   Created by   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service