October 19th, 2012 i lost my great-grandmother. She had fallen and didn't say anything to anyone. She had osteoporosis.  She lived with my grandmother for 20 years. They had moved 2 hours away from the family about 4 years ago. We had gotten a call around 2 am that Betty boop wasn't making any sense was somewhat confused and didn't know what was going on around her. So, my grandmother took her to the nearest medical center to be examined. Come to find out she stood on her trunk to open a window and had fallen and landed on her arm and hit her head. Because of this fall it caused her to have a stroke she didn't realize she was having. The was a very large amount of blood on her brain which caused the confusion and out of sorts.

We all hurried the two hour drive there to see her. She didn't know any of us and the doctor didn't know anything at the time. It was a waiting game.

we slept in the waiting rooms and took turns driving home to rest and be with her in shifts. It was hard not knowing. four days passed as she was in the hospital. She wasn't eating. going to the bathroom on her own (as she was completely mobile before this. on her own) nothing. just would sleep and every once in a while open her eyes try to roll over and moan. I felt horrible. Because we all knew it was inevitable this time.

It was strange because the whole last year she would say to us, "When I'm gone you better...". Phrases of that sort. We knew it was her time.

Sunday rolled around and they finally informed us of the blood on her brain and everything that was going on. Her chances were very slim. They recommended hospice care and all that so she could go home and pass peacefully and comfortable.

My grandmother was her caregiver. but she couldn't do it alone. So me being unemployed at the time i offered to help. My grandmother had both her hips replaced so she cannot bend or lift much. I felt i needed to help. I didn't realize what this was going to entail. i went home for a day and waited for them to transport her home.

That Sunday, she had been alert, awake eating, going to the bathroom(with help). Everyone was amazed. i had gotten there around 10 pm. settled in unpacked and all that. Started helping Betty boop. feeding her, giving her drinks, helping to the bathroom, medicine, etc. She did very good that first night. And then she started to decline again..

Hospice told us it was kinda like a last Ho-rah. One last burst of energy before someone passes. I didn't know what this experience was going to be like. I had never seen someone, let alone taken care of someone who was on their last legs of life.  I was shaken. I did everything i could to stay strong and just do what i had to do to make her comfortable. i couldn't cry. For everyone elses' sake i had to hold it together.

i took care of her for the 5 days she was home until she passed.  my grandmother couldn't do it. It was bad enough she had to take care of everything else. the arrangements and everything. I did everything i could.

I felt so helpless. I know that she would've been so proud of me and so thankful for what I did. But it hurts because the image of all of it is in my head. Every moment replays.Its been almost 4 months. And i haven't really thought about it much because i don't wanna remember or feel the pain. But i feel myself slipping into this depression. I miss her more and more everyday that passes.

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