This is my 3rd. Christmas without my son. The pain never goes away it becomes different. This year I did my usual December things @ the grave: solar powered wreath, A lady I work with was kind enough to set up Kenny's grave candles ( I HAD TO WORK:( )

Attended the gravesites annual Candle lighting ..very late and I did my regular visits. I also layed a new hotwheels tractor @ his stone. Kenny loved the dirt he even grew up and became certified in Heavy Equipment operating. I guess I placed the toy tractor there in hopes that Kenny's son Ethan would see it & know his Bubbie will always love him and his daddy.      

Kenny's widow chose to like his father and not me since we are divorced Kenny's widow chose his bio=father. I am also working thru that also. Trusting in KARMA

So Christmas came and many still linger in the "joy" of the season. I am masking my pain so well that my husband said things like "thank you for making Christmas special again" Wow I'm faking this happy thing really well, maybe someday I will feel happy again tooo" than I wake up! (humor helps me just like a bandaid over a cut artery") very temporary!

The picture below is of Kenny the day his son came home from being born. The dogs name is RUSTY Kennys first love! His widow hired Rusty out to the Hagerstown Maryland police department I believe and since then I don;t know what became of Rusty Lombardi ? (would love to find him or his where abouts)

Thats it for me Hoping to continue to function appropriately in life and each day. Knowing if I keep smiling it will keep me from crying @ least in public!