Dearest Chris,

I miss u. I can hardly breath. I hate living and I want to stay here for the kids and grandkids. I just wish I could start feeling again something other than sadness. I was driving down the road and a funeral drove past. I sat in the car and cried for each car that passed. I was heartbroken for them. I know what kind of loss it is. I really don't think I will ever be or do I want to be the same. I just want my boy back. Never in my life would I ever thought I would have had to face this. I just can't bear it. I put on this stupied grin and this stupied smile and say stupied things just to make it through the day. I clean till I drop because if I stand still one minute I am in tears. This will never end. I miss u so much. I just can't do anything without thinking about you. I can't watch the shows we did. I miss everything. I miss living,I miss being happy, I miss really laughing and I miss being me because I will never be me again with u there. I am not a whole person.

Love you,


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