Maybe you feel like something you did or some neglect on your part caused your loved one's death. Guilt, whether real or imagined, is a normal reaction to grief which can be helpful in itself. Talking about how guilty you feel can provide a much needed release. No matter how much we love a person we cannot prevent time and unforeseen occurrences from befalling ourselves or those we love. Not getting one to a doctor's appointment sooner or sending one to run an errand does not actually cause one's death. Dwelling on "if onlys" will not change anything but may actually slow down your recovery. So accept the fact that you are not perfect and ask yourself "Do I allow myself to remember"?