WOW, December has been a tough one.... I feel so guilty that I havent visited you all month, its been extremely hard, and dont think I haven't wanted to. Alot has happened since my last note to you dearest, my boss had a talk with me. Thank goodness he is giving me a chance to prove myself, the question is am I whole hearted in my attempt to keep my job. The kids are still staying with their dad, for now so i can get back on my feet. Not to mention Christmas shopping is a joke right now. Money has been extremely tight, or should I say nonexsistant. Everything I have, has gone to bills and nothing left to get the kids anything. That on top of the painful guilt I have for my actions, Lord I hope you aren't looking down on me thinking I really wasn't the girl you thought I was. My world is crashing down, Howie... And I dont have my best friend to talk to and assure me that everything is gonna work out. I know if you were here, youd hold me and tell me its ok, and by the end of the day youd have me smiling again. Well, Christmas is almost here, and your Birthday is just ten days away... I can't help but think you would be flying in on Friday, had the accident not happened. I would meet you at the airport, and jump into your arms, we'd hug and kiss until security asked us to leave. Oh what I wouldn't give to go back to that night, so much I would do differantly... I would have texted you once again, and made sure to remember to tell you to be safe. Would that have made a differance, would you have gone home early. If I had flown in that Friday and was with you that nigt, would you still be here. I don't know what everyone else is asking for for Christmas, but I know the one and only thing I want.... Is you!!!!
I love you, signed
Ms Marshmellow woman