Second time around, just as painful, but maybe more hopefull.  I have past the third month and have not quite shelved my grief, tears come frequently and I still find it hard to talk much about him.  Went to a local festival yesterday and missed holding his hand.

     I have kept busy.  Over the  spring break I actually read and enjoyed a book, The Dutch Wife.    Met a talking bird at the restaurant my grandson works at.  I visit him frequently so we can whistle together - me the introvert whistling in public.  I heard my self really laugh yesterday.  I teach math and English to adults, and finally last week cared about how I taught them.  I have to work at healing.  I make myself connect to strangers, this was so easy for my husband, and I honor him by reaching out and greeting others.  Each day, I hug the teddy bear my husband took on road trips.  Yes, I talk to him EVERYDAY.  Good news, I have slept in bed like a big girl all week, and the dog sleeps on the couch now.  Still scared, happy to have grand-kids with me, but not having to fake that I am fine so much now. So many mixed emotions.  Jus say'n.   Frankie