I want to share a dream I had a couple of night ago..... It's a beautiful warm sunny day, and we were all in a big open space, like a big, lush, green, field and there’s a big gate, (something like a farm gate), and everyone is walking through this gate together, laughing, chatting, some even running. I am with my boys, smiling, when I look back and see Pete on the other side of the gate, just standing there, smiling. There’s other people with him, they seem to all know each other, and they all seem so happy. I call out to him, but he just stands there, and then yells out - that he'll be alright, where he is. I start to run back to him, when the gate begins to close. I call out to him, but he just smiles at me." Pete, please, please come with me I can't go without you" I call. You won't be, he says, not now, not ever. I will always be with you, where ever you go, but you need to go forward from here and I need go in another direction. I see myself falling to my knees, crying, and my sons run to me, and hold and try to comfort me telling me it will be alright. I look up and see Pete and all the other people turn away from the gate and head towards a beautiful bright light. They all sounds so happy, their laughter is being carried by the wind. I get back on my feet and watch him walk away, I am sobby, and then he turns to me, just before he reaches the light, and says, Go Cath, the boys need you, and I'll be here waiting for you when your time comes..... Don't worry, mum and dad and Paul are here, I'll be alright. he's warm smile seems to comfort me,....... and then the next thing I remember I just woke up...... I really felt like this was not a dream, but a journey I took in my sleep.......... I miss Pete, so much, and the thought of entering a New Year without him scares me. My grief is so intense that sometimes I can hardly breathe. I have to tell myself to just breathe, and then...... to put one foot in front of the other and take one step at a time...... I feel this dream, or journey that I had, was Pete's way of letting me know, that I must go on, and that I will never be without him, even in my darkest moments, he will be there for me. I love you Pete.