Even After All These Years there are certain times that you miss them so badly!

Hi, my name is Sue and here is some of my story. On May the 5th of 1979 my life changed and so did the life's of my two younger brothers. I had just turned 18 years old and was pregnant with my first child. As me and my husband and a couple of friends were headed to the lake for a camping trip. I was so excited about the trip because I had never been camping before. About 15 minutes away from the lake a vehicle got behind us and was honking its horn and flashing it's lights. I recognized the vehicle of belonging to my brother in law. My husband and the other male friend got out of the car and told us girls to set still. We turned to watch the men talking to my brother in law and then they turned to look at us setting in the car. We could tell by their expressions that something bad had happened. When the men returned to the car we asked them what as wrong and they just said "we have to get back to town right now" but that was as much as they would tell us. The male friend drove to his dads house and we all went in. There was his dad and mom and a couple of his brothers there as I remember.Everyone's eyes were on me when we walked in and the dad began to tell me that something had happened to my mom and dad and that someone had been shot and that was all he knew and that I needed to go there asap. The friend and his wife drove me and my husband to my parents house. Whe lived in a rural area and back then you knew all your neighbors and they knew you. Upon arriving we had to park at least a block away because every neighbor in the neighbor hood was there along with the sheriff's department and ambulance. When we walked in my parents yard there was my great aunt and an older cousin standing there and when my great aunt saw me she started crying and tell me " Their gone Sue , their gone."
I asked her who and she said " Your mom and dad" and I said" what do you mean they are gone?" and she said they were both dead. I asked how and she said shot. I turned and grabbed my husband and burried my face in his chest and cried. Then I turned and wanted to go in the house because I thought I might see something that I might know was out of place or gone. But they would let me go in. They were afraid that I would misscarriage so they sent me to my older cousins house where my two brothers were. Everything seemed like a dream or like I was going through all the motions but it wasn't me in control but some unseen force just guiding me through. My two little brothers were happy to see me because they were scared I'm sure. My youngest brother was 8 years old and he kept clinging to me and saying " they are gone Sue, momma and daddy are gone and what are we going to do?" Honestly I dont remember what I said to him. I was in such shock myself that I don't know much about what was going on. I remember my 11 year old brother not saying a word and kept walking from room to room looking out the windows and doors. From then to the funeral everything just kept feeling like a bad dream that I just couldn't wake from. My middle brother didn't seem to let things out because at the funeral I sat next to my two brothers and I gave them some tissues before the preacher got started and the youngest took some but the middle one wouldn't take them and just looked at me and said, " what do I need those for." I didn't know what to say. He didn't like showing his emotions and never cried or talked about it as far as I know with anybody. When it happened my middle brother was at a friends house and my youngest brother is the one who found them. Dad had got my youngest brother to mow the yard and he said that the mower had stopped once and he had to get dad to come out and restart it for him. Then he mowed awhile and the mower stopped again and then he heard one shot. He ran to the front door and tried to get in but the door had been shut and locked. Them he ran around to the basement and came up the stairs to get in the back door. The door was open but the screen door was locked. He said he could see daddy laying in the hall way and he was jerking. Then he ran to our great aunt's house and told her and she came and went up the step to the back door and broke in the door. She said that daddy was where my brother said he was and he was dead already. then she went into the living room and mom was so covered with blood that if she didn't know it was her that she would't have recognized her at all. There was a chair shoved up against the front door. And the door knob was covered with blood where she must have been trying to get away. When the corinors report came back I was there when the TBI brought back the guns that they had taken to test. When he gave the guns to my uncles , he said even thought the corinor had ruled it a murder/ suicide, that my dad had been shot in the chest twice with a 38 and he also said that he could see someone shooting themselves once with the 38 but twice was almost impossible. And of course it showed my mother had bee shot 5 times in the back and had been strangled with something wide. The house was searched for what she could have been strangled with and nothing could be found that would match. In a couple of weeks it will be 34 years since that life changing day and each holiday, birthday, and birth of a child that should have had grandparents to spoil them and even great grandchildren that could have had a great grandpa and grandma, we feel a hole in our hearts where there may have been so much more of love and caring that these children will have missed out on. No matter how long ago the loss happened you still miss them and realize there are people who are missing in your family unit.

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