I got the worst call i could imagine back in sept. My dad called and told me my brother had passed away. It took me  a minute to comprehend what he had told me. I had to go to my brothers house to see his wife and kids, and to see my brother so i could process what my dad had told me. He was 32 years old. I am sad, angry, and hurt that he is gone. I can't imagine what my sister in law is going through. I know i lost my brother that i grew up with since he was birth and i can't imagine him not being in my life. It is a hard concept to grasp. I was strong through the whole process well as strong as i could be and i was trying to be strong for my mama. I am a mother and i can't imagine the lost she has gone through. I just wish there was an easier way to get through the roughness that we have had to deal with. I miss him so much. At the same time i am mad at him. I hate those feelings but they are there. It is hard to deal with sometimes. I just wish it could go back the way it was before he was gone. I know this isn't possible but I have been struggling so much and wish there was away to figure out how to make things easier. I felt like a piece of me is missing and nothing else can replace it. I just take things day by day. I want to be the best person i can be as a wife and mother. I am trying the best i can. Just kinda left everything broken. I am trying to peice me back together.

NJ